What can go wrong - In a Ponnu-Parkum episode - will go wrong.- Murphy's Law

There's a basic dictum -which goes something like this - Given enough time, things are not as bad as they first looked. Time puts a positive spin on events. Unfortunately for me, that doesn't apply. For two days after my "First Official Sight-Seeing Episode" - circa last Saturday, I still reel with "Omigosh" every time I remember it and go red in the face with accumulated embarassment. Like I said before, the only thing which works with unfailing regularity for me is Murphy's Law -"What can go wrong will go wrong". I still remember being nicknamed Die Hard in my UG days - because I was always the wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time - always catching my friends off-guard in their moments of intimacy with their girlfriends. This was purely accidental - but my friends wouldn't believe it as I was also the editor of "the Buzz" the college magazine and the next month's rumour column would often include unsubtle hints about certain eye-witness scenes. That's me in a nutshell - an unconventional personality who just loves to push the limits of what society's comfortable with and likely to do something barely predictable.

The point I'm trying to make is - of all the things to go wrong - this was one I wasn't expecting to. I mean I was on my first official sight-seeing trip to check out a girl -under the proper supervision of both sets of parents - if you know what I mean. And then events took on a life of their own -so that in the end it was a complete Comedy Time. The first thing which happened was a fight with my mum just when we were about to start -regarding my unshaven face- She screamed at me to shave- when I had intentionally not shaved to grow a stubble - for I feel I look good with a 7'0 clock stubble. In order not to complicate things we did the needfull and proceeded straight to Madipakkam to the girls place.

Unfortunately, the girls people had decided to welcome the new prospective son-in law with a brightly painted house and they had just that morning painted the front doors which had stilll not dried (due to the rains). As is my luck I put a hand to the door which came away with half of that door's paint. So the first thing I had to do when I was welcomed inside was to ask to use the bathroom - even before seeing the girl (getting me strange looks from the assembled relatives).
This screw-up on my part made me so tensed up I even forgot to nibble the sweets provided specially for me which the girls side must have taken as a negative omen or something..

Then they brought in the girl and seated her diagonally to me - so that eye contact between us was kept to the minimum. My Dad promptly started answering calls on his mobile which he kept up throughout the episode. My mom started a little filler conversation with the other concerned parties but couldn't keep it going indefinitely. And then they started on me. "Arent you going to ask her anything? Come on, feel free, ask her whatever you want? well what about the girl, does she want to ask him something/anything?". Thus went my mothers prompting for me....What could I ask this unknown, strange girl? "Your favorite movie? Your favorite film star?" Give me a break. How could I ask her the important doubts plaguing me like "If we have a fight after the wedding -will you be content to just scream at me or will you try to break something on my head?" This sort of all-important marital questions cannot be asked in a crowd, right?

Finally, the ordeal came to an end and we left before we used up all the goodwill- my dad still on his mobile - oblivious to everything which had just gone by. There was all the usual bonhomie of we'll get in touch and we'll let you know. And once in the car - my mom started blasting me -"Why did you freeze? Why are you so shy? Why cant you talk normally? what will they think of you? They'll think you are useless". All this in a soliloquy (and in front of the driver...). Finally my mother asked "Well, what about the girl? did you like her?". I didnt answer her straight - because I didn't know how to phrase it. The girl was; shall we say- petite (actually very short) and well toned (very thin) . I'm 178 cms/5'10" and well- built and being extra-large is not something you can accuse me of without reason.

I remembered an old Kanndasan song about Manaivi Amaivadalam - Where he says Porutam udalilum vendum or something like a good pair should match physically too - but tactfully conveyed to my mother that this was early days yet to make a decision based on one option. Let me sample the field -check out two or three other girls and maybe then I'd be able to make up my mind...Meanwhile my mother as advised me to act more confident next time - to sit up straight (not on the edge) look the girl straight in the eye and talk boldly. Maybe next time....

Or"Kutting" Fantasia......Virtue in the virtual world Vs Vice in the real world

Not being much of a social type - I have never felt the need to be a member of any social network grouping or to "network" desperately - until I reached a phase of my life recently where I found I had more time on my hands than good for me - when in a moment of weakness I accepted an invitation to join that paragon of networking "Orkut" - interesting name - especially when you consider the fact that with a name like mine you can be sure of meeting half-a-dozen namesakes -whenever/wherever. Over the past 6 months not only have I enjoyed using it to connect with like-minded people - I have also run into a few people I'd rather not have remembered.


Which brings me back to the title of this current blog. I mean - people lie in real life - that's true and accepted - but the way that people lie online is astonishing..especially considering the anoymity of the web as a medium means you just dont have to do it- you can be yourself- safely. But not many people get it. The kind of fun I have when I read through all the high sounding, presumptous drivel written by people on their Orkut Profiles makes me roll about in mirth...I mean do people honestly believe that other people who glance through their profiles will be impressed with their persona's? or is to get a sort of vicarious pleasure - this is who I want to/can be - but am not in real life? And they keep changing every other week - evolving in their virtual life so to say - faster than they can in the real world.


For example one of these virtual deja-vu meetings of my life took place recently when on logging into orkut - I was notified that my "Recent Visitors" included a denizen of hell - my former girlfriend - the one and only V-(for Vixen not vendetta)- my first ever from so long ago who taught me all I know about the bees and birds (just the theory-no demo) someone who I thought I had succesfully escaped and who I would never see again until I looked down from heaven to watch the group activities being conducted downstairs in hell. But its true - The devil looks after its own - she has not only survived cheating on all her boyfriends (serially and parallely) but has actually thrived - marrying a nincompoop and emigrating to the modern-day whore of Babylon -New York city. On her profile on Orkut - she describes herself as married with kids and as a "Paragon of virtue". I literally fell out of the chair with bellyache - I mean - I may be biased but on the other hand I could name half a dozen other guys who would agree wth me that the only mistake they made in their lives was mistaking that Long Legs = Good for Dating - before they realized their mistake and ran for cover from the "Bitch from Hell" which was her universal nickname in college - the only decent one I can use here - this Blog being meant for family audiences and PG-13 rated.....Is she the only one who Parades as a Paragon of Virtue in the Virtual world while leading a life of Vice in the real world? Somehow I don't think so....

Let me illustrate with another example.. There is this guy I met on one of the communities and made friends online - real cool guy name of C- who describes in his profile his various accomplishments as reported on newspaper headlines. I mean if you just read the profile - you'd think here is someone who's idea of success - is to see his name in print? (how pathetic!) but once you actually start scrapping him you realize its just a stunt he's trying to pull (shock and awe tactics? - courtesy George Dubya Bush) . Well, to be fair - the guy's pretty young - still in his teens I believe - he'd probably outgrow his obsession with public popularity ( I mean he must be really popular/notorius in college if he keeps pulling stunts like this in real life) and he will probably know that the tall trees are the first ones to be cut down in real life...

And there is this other guy- again an Orkut friend - lets call him S- who is obsessed with double meaning, sexually related Slogans for his second name. If the guy keeps doing that - it makes you wonder if at all he is getting any action? - must be pretty desperate to advertise like this - again another young guy -who'd probably outgrow the teen sex movie phase....

If I continue this way, I'd probably have to change the title of this Blog to "Weird people I met on Orkut" Anyhow I am going to conclude with the wierdest of them all - ME. I don't want to throw the first stone -but remember that thing about people who live in glass houses?..I mean anyone who reads my profile will think I'm some kind of up-standing, hard-working, go-getting individual - an upright pillar of the society so to say. Which is patently untrue. All I am is a hypocritical lazy layabout with more time than ideas to fill them spouting all sorts of psycho-babble crap in the name of analysing others..Fair?

Am I a Risk - Addict?

I know, I know - what you people are thinking..... Just who the heck is this guy to talk aout risk. I'm not a soldier or a fire-fighter or a member of one of the elite crime fighting organisations... Being an oridnary, everyday citizen my oppurtunities for taking significant enough (life threatening risks) are limited enough. But ever since I graduated from being a gawky teenager to a normal adult the thing that every teenager fears so - social ostracism has still stayed with me - so much so that wherever i go, I still strive to be the heart and soul of the party or turn into an invisible speck on the wall - either/or. Which makes me wonder why I take such risks in public places....Is it the Adrenalin Rush? the incredibly heady feeling of plunging into the unknown with the possibility of public humiliation looming large? I just cant explain the Kick I get....

Like today for instance...As i have informed my dedicated readers before I'm wary of public speaking - (being incredibly Shy) - my knees still knock together whenever I get up to make a speech or discuss a point which I have been made to do frequently during my PG days - during all those seminars and symposiums. So today I was in this big Symposium- a big Hall - filled with Gynecologists - all ladies except for a single gent -yours truly - discussing a topic as vague as Gestational Diabetes - and I Heedlessly- either incredibly bravely/incredibly stupidly - got up to discuss a complicated point with the key note speaker - a legend in her field. There was an incredible hush over the audience as everyone craned around to observe the interloper with the temerity to question "The great one". My well grounded knowledge of basics enabled me to carry my point and to show them that outsiders can sometimes have an unique perspective and collective head nodding is for sheep - not intelligent people- science requires questioning regardless of reputation. I think I have branded myself as an Iconoclast in their minds.

Anyway to come back to me. Why do I do It? Why do I take the incredible risk of being laughed at? Of being Humiliated and chased out in front of all those girls? Was I just showing off? Am I a showman at heart or was it the thrill of catching someone wrong and proving my point? Am I a Risk -Junkie? An accident waiting to happen? I don't have the answers... I just felt the endorphin kick..like I'd been on a roller coaster - or the best girl in class comes up to me to ask for my notes... Go Figure...