India's Oscar Entry- Not Raaz-3?

 The surprising news that the movie Barfi has been chosen for this year’s Oscar entry from India has created a lot of heartburn from film aficionados who have all been “outraging” on the only platform available to them...my Twitter Timeline (to my irritation). Well, I don’t know much about the requirements of a film to get selected for the Oscar nomination, but I do believe that Barfi ticks most of the blanks, for one it is a mainstream Hindi film starring a big Bollywood star and a scion from the right family and not made by any maverick (read independent) film studio, starring art house stalwarts like Sanjay Suri and Om Puri. Till now any film which starred Suri cum Puri was always on the awards list automatically, but thank god some good sense finally dawned on the selection panel this year and they made the wise decision of not forwarding the gloomiest film of all year (which usually clears out he theatre as fast as a swine flu scare does) as India’s Oscar nominee for the year. I will write about Barfi, the official entry, in a separate post later, for this one I intend to devote to the ones which lost out on the race to the Oscar.

Vazhaku en 18/9....this film is a classic case of being too clever for your own good and in then end not being clever enough. With a strange title like the one above, the makers must have hoped to attract the attention of all film festival juries right from the start of the shooting, otherwise you cannot explain a mainstream film opting for such a title, even at the risk of losing/confusing the ticket buying/money paying average audience. Having been bold enough to give such a title the makers should have been bold enough to go all out, for realism, to achieve their stated intention. But unfortunately half way, through the second half, they lost faith in themselves, compromised and gave us an as usual filmy ending. If you have seen the movie- two things will jar your sensibility. The fact that a street smart kid who had literally grown up looking after himself all these years suddenly falls for a simple stratagem of the inspector and agrees to confess to a crime he did not commit, merely because the money will go to his sweethearts medical bills is not believable in the least. It goes completely against character. And the climax scene is even worse, seems so contrived to see the girl pouring acid on the face of the inspector to get justice. Yeech....why not go the whole hog? And throw in a duet before the climax and have a climax fight too if the intention was to show that evil gets punished at the end all those rote clichés? No wonder this movie was not judged Oscar worthy. I agree wholeheartedly.

Naan Eee, this one is a little harder to explain. If there is one thing which we should be showing those Oscar people it is that India is such a loving country that even our insects have love stories behind them. Hollywood has so far forgotten classic rom-com’s that the sight of a fly having its fill of romance with a human would have been a blow in the direction of affirmative action and would have garnered the support of all special interest groups, working for freedom of choice in marriage. You ask for gay rights? We even have fly rights in India...Should have been our cry to the Oscars. The only fault you can find in Naan-Ee is the makers not having a duet between the fly and its lover in Switzerland…that would have made this film a sure shot shoo in for the Oscars. For it nearly has the same story as Barfi too- the hero cum fly is a deaf-mute, it can dance, fight, takes revenge and all, but can’t speak any dialogues? Remind you of anyone? And the heroine though cutie, does look autistic (or was it artistic?) and goes around asking for money from the wrong people. The only interesting character is made out to be the villain, who for a change is neither autistic nor deaf mute. Thank God. Otherwise it would have become another Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s -we are all abnormal- kinda film.

And Finally- Raaz-3. The one which should have been selected for the Oscar with eyes closed. I am continuously surprised by the selection committee’s stubbornness in failing to recognize India’s one and only star of international standard- Emraan Hashmi. The man can act, cant he? Even his lips act, for god’s sake. What more do you want from an actor? Till Emraan gets his due, I am afraid that the Oscar will be a pipe dream for Indian films. I rest my case.

So, please share with me which films you think should have made the cut for the Oscar.

On Fake Boobs....and Film Stars.....

Venkat was here this afternoon...actually he called me up at around 4'PM and said "Machan, I am back in Chennai da..lets go grab a beer".....I sat up straight and asked him "When did you come back from Germany?" he said "Two weeks machi" and I asked "Lost your job again?". He went straight to one of his trademark lies "naah, I have shifted from Deutsche Bank to Royal Bank of Scotland, Chennai branch..." I let that one go.... (seriously, is there anything like that?)....and told him "The time is just past 4 pm..too early for a beer"..He guffawed at my ignorance and explained "In germany, we have a beer whenever we want...all time's beer time"....and if you dont find the above conversation as funny as I do - its because you dont know the background story - that venkat had received a grand farewell party and send-off to Germany just a month back....two weeks in germany and he was back...and showing off "German Attitude"......the Germans must also have found him impossible to handle and shifted him back to India, I guess.

So, to cut a long story short, we met up at a place near our home and decided to have just tea (my condition).....Venkat wanted to go to one of our old haunts in egmore....a Tea-kadai, right opposite the  Egmore Railway Station..where we used to have tea in the evenings, arriving together from Santhome, before splitting up in different directions(in different buses) to our homes, during our long ago school days. That told me one thing- he was still on that perpetually low budget of our school days....and the Deutschmark must have fallen very low when compared to the Indian Rupee.....

As we stood there, having hot cups of chai, from the roadside chetta-kadai, Venkat seemed to concentrate on something behind my back, rather than on my fascinating conversation......I was irritated and turned around to see what he was staring at so fixedly...turned out to be a lady with very big assets- standing at the corner of the lane which leads to the Imperial hotel. Lady- is a term I use advisedly, for she seemed to be in the comforting business, in short, a prostitute....the only thing which seemed to attract the attention of all the passerby's (males atleast)- her USP- was her enormous boobs, hanging halfway down to her navel...it was her calling card- so she had let it loose without any tight encumbrances restraining it- and this was around 5pm in the evening- at Egmore Railway Station area....so where were the cops? must be stopping unwary two-wheeler riders for mamool, I  guess.

Anyway, after looking for some time at the scene-on-view, venkat turned towards me and said...."In germany, everyone is like this, with big boobs, machi and they show it freely"...I enquired "Is that why you came back? because you finished seeing all the boobs in germany?" He sniggered and went on "but Indians are indians da...nativity you see..this is the biggest I have seen in Chennai...do you think it is fake? you know something stuffed inside the blouse to draw customers?" I shook my head emphatically "No padding da...otherwise she would have worn a bra..not let it hang loose like this" and inspired by his comment that this was the biggest he had seen in chennai, I reminisced with him about the famous Stanley experiment.

Long, long ago, when I was doing my senior house-surgeon'cy in Stanley Medical College...there was a famous experiment done there by the Post Graduate students of the Plastic Surgery department (without the knowledge of the authorities). There was a student nurse who had been posted in the Plastic surgery department and who had complained of having small sized breasts...the kind hearted PG students on duty had tried to ease her worry with silicone injections- to enhance her bust line.....as her size kept increasing, she kept coming back for more...why not? after all, she was getting famous throughout the college- going from A-to-E cup- through all the letters of the alphabet....it finally ended up as a group project- with the outgoing PG batch handing over the case (the nurse) to their incoming juniors to take care of her and continue the injections just to see how big she can get.....when we heard this story, we (my housey batchmates)- spent a lot of time in other departments - roaming around to catch a glimpse of her -but never did and till date, I am not sure whether it was just an urban myth- but it sure had a ring of authenticity about it....

Anyways to come back to the main topic...as Venkat said- "You cant help it....when you are in the SHOW- business, you need well developed assets to develop your business" and I replied "Damn true machi, we can blame this poor woman, but how many of us blame our celebrities and film stars, who do the same?" Venkat asked "Flaunting their assets, you mean?" "naah" I replied "flaunting their artificially enhanced assets to ensnare producers/directors/and the paying public"....."For example?" prompted Venkat, always curious for a little gossip from the medical profession....I drawled "For example, the Actress A....remember her, the one who won an award last year as a new face? she has since moved onto pakka-commercial cinema and is now flaunting her well developed boobs....but machi- it isnt a natural development, as she maintains...it was a doctors gift to her...of course, she must have paid through her nose for it, but what the fuc*...she has landed up roles, even itsy-bitsy ones, in big budget movies and with hit actors who on noticing her newly developed assets have started recommending her left and right...she is on her way to big bucks, dude...a small investment has paid out well for her hasnt it?"

"Anyone else machi" he asked hopefully...."Well, I drawled, there was Actress L.....and aww!!!!look at the time - I have a consultation right about now...patients waiting, gotta leave, see you later dude" and I escaped....

Celeb Culture: Chennaifornication.

I grew up in the late 80's and early 90's in what was then called the good old, innocent town of Ole'Madras. Madrasi's as we were known outside the city limits were decent honourable people known for their hard work. Then worked, worked some more and then went home to relax. Of course, a few stories of hard partying types surfaced now and then...but they were discounted by the majority as they were few and far between. Then something changed. Madras became Chennai. And everywhere the change stares at us in our face.

Chennai - as it called now- has a very hip and happening paty culture. It has three categories of party people :
1) The Celebs - film stars...and film stars only.
2) Quasi celebs- hangers-on with film stars- like directors, music directors, brothers of directors, film producers with political links, children of film stars
3) Pseudo-celebs- the rest of us (including me), Socialities, wannabe-socialities, bussiness-people, spouses of business-people, sportspersons, personal tariners of film stars, stylists of filmstars, freinds of filmstars etc.

So if you have to be famous or atleast recogized in chennai- you have to be connected someway or other wth films. Otherwise even the bouncers at the most common place(where they let in anyone, but, anyone) night spot in Chennai (think 10-D) wont admit you without a little extra to grease your entry.

Fortunately, i was able to wangle an entry (personally invited) to an exclusive and happenng-do where i was exposed to the real meaning of celeb-culture. And what better way to spend a saturday then to analyse the changing soical mores of your city. Most celebs- young actors- love to drape women over their bodies. The girls range from all ages to all sizes and the more's the merrier.

There was this young(?) actor(brother of a famous director)- two films old(produced by his father, of course) with a group of hangers-on(gym buddies?) cheering him on as he draped himself with four different girls over the course of the evening.

Then there was the other actor- with one film to his credit(village subject on sports)- produced of course by his Dad(a high-ranking police officer of all things) and already showing all signs of a bad case of "I am a Celebrit-itis" hanging out with the youngest looking girls on display.

And then there was the music-director (loud and illogical songs?) looking to turn into a actor trying so hard(failing miserably) to join the "youth brigade" with the worst possible choice of "Youthfull" clothes.

And then, the dancer turned actor(action?)- surrounded all the time by his very own party group wherever he goes, always singing his praises as loud as possible (to drown even the loud music) and egging him onto drape himself wth any and everygirl who passes by.

And me, poor me, standing off to one corner, observing all the people and wondering what the hell has happened to my city. that these people could fornicate like this in public and the heavens dont strike them down with lightning bolts?

Isnt the end of days near? Or is this all the effect of Kalyug?