Cougar City.......

It took yet another pass at me- this time by a totally unexpected person- which has left me nonplussed and introspective on what actually is going on with my life. I have heard of this kind of shock before- of how rape victims frequently blame themselves for provoking the incident somehow and wonder whether they were inappropriately dressed. For your information, I was quite appropriately dressed in full professional get-up, long-sleeved shirt et al, for this was a work related incident.

It all started with a call from a friend of many years , lets say dr.A, who called me up to tell me that he had recommended me to a Doctor couple who were running a very flourishing practice in the city and who wanted a consultant in my speciality. dr.A had been a consultant there for some time previously before setting up on his own account and had vouched for me as being able to fit their requirements. Being a free-lance consultant (why?- is another story) I depend on such word of mouth endorsements to pick up new consultations. And so I decided to accept my friends recommendation and turn up there for meeting the doctor the very next day.

One clinching factor for this promptness was the information that A gave me to the effect that Dr.V- the Senior specialist had a good-looking daughter of marriageable age doing Postgraduation in our speciality and being a only daughter will most probably end up with the Hospital, practice and all the rest. My friend A had tried to pick her up when he was working there and had been snubbed- he hoped I had better luck. Well, I thought, it all depended on how she looked- if she wasnt upto scratch- I'll just stick to consultation, was what I thought when i went there the next day for the interview.

After the mandatory hour of waiting, in an empty waiting room- with no patients- which is par for the course for any junior doctor when you have to meet seniors (the situation is even worse in corporate hospitals where they give you a morning appointment for interview and make you wait till the evening, informing you throughout the day that your interview will start in the next ten minutes sir, so please dont go away anywhere), I was invited inside the consultation room by Dr.V and grilled on all aspects of my training and previous experiences. He then called over his wife on the intercom and after a few whispered comments directed me to go over to the next cubicle where his wife- who he said was the administrator of their hospital would go over the rest of the minor details, presumably my payment details.

I made my way over next door, knocked and went in. The room was bigger, better furnished (coffee table and matching sofa's and mood lighting) and incredibly posh-looking than Dr.V's small and cramped consultation room- maybe the perks of being the administrator of finances, while dr.v was merely the earner of them. And waiting there was Dr.V's better-half who was really his better-half, making you wonder how such a man had married such a voluptous woman. Ok, now I had high hopes for the daughter- if she had got her moms looks, was what I thought. She sat there at her desk and prattled on about Dr.A and the happy time he had working there and how much he had learned in their hospital to give him enough confidence to start his own practice and then she suddenly slapped her head over her forgetfulness to ask me to sit down and invited me to take my seat at one of the sofa's surrounding the coffee table, rather than at the desk opposite her(surprisingly).

To my surprise and mild shock, Mrs.V, came over and sat down right beside me- cosy as two long lost friends meeting up. As she spoke the necessary preliminary pleasantries, her sleeveless blouse exhibited an in-apppropriate amount of cleavage- I took this for a test to check where I looked- so studiously avoided looking there- as i was sure that I was interviewing not just for the post of consultant but also (if possible)future son-in-law. As we were discussing the frequency of my visits and fees (ridiculously low, if you ask me- but I was there with bigger fish to fry, so I did'nt mind), she casually draped a arm over the back of my sofa right over my shoulder blades and leaned closer towards me.

As we were sitting side-by-side facing each other this put me in an extremely uncomfortable position of not avoiding whatever was on show (which included- yeech- an unshaved armpit with revolting tufts of underarm hair- when will women learn that wearing sleeveless involves having perfect underarm hygiene maintenance?). As I was twisting and turning with discomfort, trying not to even accidentally touch her, she made a honest-to god-pass at me- asking me to schedule my visits on thursday afternoons as Dr.V usually took the day off and left it to just the consultants and her- with a wink and a saucy smile which spoke volumes.

I stared, blinked and stared again (mouth hanging open?)- maybe I had imagined it? Maybe my contact lenses were playing tricks with the low-lighting of the room. But my instincts were screaming like hell- get the hell out of there before this goes an further- I was so afraid to open my mouth and say something/anything which might come back to haunt me in the future. Scared, stammering and apologizing profusely, I pleaded a prior appointment (forgotten till now) and promising to call Dr.V that evening to confirm my taking up the position- I escaped from that place.

It was only when I reached home -that the shit hit me- what the fuck, I asked myself- I looked on her as a possible mother-in-law and she looks on me as a possible sex partner? Was I getting that old? That henceforth I would be hit on by aunties and not girls? It was a shocking and sobering though that maybe I had somehow sent mixed signals to her which had provoked her pass- was I so sexually starved that unknown to me I was putting it out there? I had considered myself a reluctant ascetic (being single, what other choice had I?)- but maybe, just maybe, my (enforced) abstinence was sending out all the wrong signals. A lot of confusing thoughts and feelings were overwhelming me. I have been hit on before- it was inevitable in the profession- but that had always been within my own age range and I had known how to turn them down gently without hurting any feelings or causing any complications. But this was the first time a woman old enough to be my mum had hit on me- and I was really shaken by the experience.

I called up Dr.V and respectfully informed that I declined his offer due to the long distance commute involved and my previous and other professional commitments. He was sarcastic and downright insulting about the younger generation and their lazy attitudes and inability to work hard even if the remuneration was rewarding, but I took all the blows on the chin and hoped that things end with this and take no further turns or twists.

Footnote: I called up A and complained about my experience and he merely laughed and said it was one of the perks of the job- to screw the boss's wife and why woud'nt I enjoy it too? For the miserly pittance Dr.v paid to his consultants (using their junior status to rob them blind)- this was the way to getting back at him. And as all the other consultants, including him, over the years, had indulged this fetishism of Mrs.V -without it getting known to Dr.V all these years why would I alone be afraid and run out of there? I cursed A and promised to get out to Tambaram this Sunday (to his clinic) and kick his ass in person for misleading me like this and getting me caught in such a bind. He was laughing hilariously as I cut the call......

Existential Dilemna's.....

This post will not involve any high-brow philosophical stuff but mundane matters like my sex life- or to be precise my non eistent sex life. I am going to have another birthday soon and am quite afraid that I will end up being India's only remaining virgin. If you think there cant be anything more pathetic then being a 35-yr old virgin - it is being constantly questioned whether my tastes lie in a different direction and being hit upon by gay men. Yuck. Just because I am not getting any action at all doesnt mean I am handicapped. Wait that didnt come out right. To re-phrase it again. Just beacuse I am starving(as no one has invited me to dinner) doesnt mean I would eat out of others plates. Getttit?

So, I am hanging in there, hope hanging by a slender thread, waiting for the magic night when I can make love to my wife..oh yeah! I hear all of you snigger...get real dude- aren't you making a mountain of a mole-hill? I beg to differ. There is a enormous difference between having sex and making love....(Source-all the great literature of the world). If you do it wife your legitimate wife after your wedding in the full knowledge that you are both affectionate towards each other- then it is called "making love". Anything else is just sex. I may be a philistine in such things....but sexual morals do matter to me.

So, here am I....just hanging on to my virginity, day by damn day- hoping something's gotta give soon- my luck will change and I will finally get the presure off my back. And till then I survive by mans greatest invention of all time- masturbation. Which is allowed - legally, morally and religiously, I believe. And if that wasnt allowed - men everywhere would go mad. After all we are all human beings with normal human emotions and feeling aren't we? so I survive- on a daily basis with just hope.

So, here's to me......hope I lose this damn status soon....pray for me.

Topless on Yahoo Chat....Truth or Dare.

Wow! Some times you are bested but not disgraced. And this is one of those times. It all started with a little late night chat on yahoo messenger testing out my newly installed webcam bought with the express purpose of satisfying my female fan following around the globe. Ah! Ok! to tell the truth, my non-existent female fan following...till now.

What a webcam really allowed me to do was shove my face into my ex-classmates faces and gloat over them for my still-youthful (comparitively, ok?) appearance vis a vis my former classmates who all look so old, BALD and fat...Sorry guys, its the truth and you know it. I on the other hand still retain most of my own hair, have lost weight on the contrary and HOT OR NOT (a) has rated me = 8.6{You are hotter than 85% of men on this site!} which is pretty good going for a Non-Caucasian Male considering that all(99%?)of the women voting for the guys are whites. Tells you something about my sex-appeal doesnt it? I mean all those white-american women can't be wrong can they? even if I am unappreciated in my own homeland ...Indian women just have no taste..they like Hrithik, for Gods sake? Well, its always the case with Geniuses, they are not appreciated in their own lifetimes.....so sad.

To come back to the story, it was a hot, hot Chennai night..(

this is a very important extenuating circumstance your honor- please note this point)

and I was on the net...chatting on Yahoo messenger with my old friends from college who were all now in America and who show false sympathy for my not getting an American Green Card yet (A*@holes will not sponsor me..but just make fun of me for still being in India). And who do you think pops up...an old college senior ....an hot female (once upon a time) who lavished special attention on me during ragging time making my life wretched back then, when I was young, innocent and bashful.

She wanted to see my current transformation and requested video chat and I promplty obliged as I had already checked out her facebook profile (and recent pics)and knew she had drawn the wrong lot in the wedding lottery. Her husband may have been her ticket to the USA(spouse visa) but presentable he was not. And I thought of giving her a little heartburn at having missed noticing the swan inside the ugly duckling all those years ago and giving me a miss. So I accepted her request to start viewing my webcam, without remembering that I was practically topless (entirely) for it was as I mentioned before a Hot Chennai evening and I was alone at home and feeling hot had stripped my t-shirt off and let it lie on the floor beside the computer.

Of course, it didnt matter till now as I was just chatting with the guys and they were gazing enviously at my Pecs and Biceps and sundry other upper-body gym toned muscles. And then this lady starts seeing me inadvertently and she makes a little comment like .."you are all grown up since I last saw you as a little kid" which reminded me that I was topless on the internet in front of a lady(?) and it was the wrong position to be in and I quickly pulled on my t-shirt. She immediately started pulling my leg and commented at how I was too late to save my honour...and she had already seen me topless.

I was non-plussed for a minute but you dont often catch me with my pants down (thats a metaphor, by the way) and I wrote back that Fair is Fair and as per the rules of the game, having seen me topless she should oblige me by reciprocating...She logged off for a minute and I thought "there, you have spooked her off idiot". But I had judged her right.....she was soon back online and she informed me that she had just closed the door on her hubby dear form walking in on us during our chat. She then proposed a game of truth or dare between us and the loser gets to strip to topless. As I had already done it earlier, I had no problem in agreeing immediately and we started...

At first it looked like I might win easily with questions like these:

ME: 1) Do you love your husband?
2) dont you just hate that you married for money?
3) how's hubby- good or just a wimp in bed?
4) any affairs yet?
5) your friends or your husband's friends?
6) With white men?



SHE: 1) why are you still Single?
2) is it out of choice?
3) or out of incapacity?
4) Are you gay?
5) did you try to get a medical opinion?

At which point I lost my cool, blew a fuse and refused to play this vulgar game anymore and in short GAVE UP. And she won by a mile. Girls know all the right trigger points for men and they dont hesitate to hit below the belt without pity. Due to the fact that I had lost the bet....like a truly good loser I just logged off and disconnected the modem. End of Story...

P.s.( for the uncensored version of this story please e-mail me...)