Shallow Hall-II

Reader Discretion Advised: This post will be a Sexist, intolerant, rant of deeply personal feelings and if you are prepared to read about another Shallow Hall- go on...

Changing the finish line....just when you are about to cross it. Yep! thats exactly how i feel - given the lemon's life has given me...and please dont tell me to make lemonade with them- i hate it. Anyway to get back to the title- it refers to the on-going (ever-lasting?) search for my perfect bride.

Long, long ago, back when I was in college and looking like an awkaward geek (still am, by the way) I used to burn with envy at the coole dudes picking up all the good-looking dames on campus and just leaving us the crumbs...which out of principle (or sheer pique) I refused to partake of. A wise(?) old friend, a senior, took me aside and told me the "SECRET" to get a mind-blowing girl in my life.

The only way, he said, that guys like us can end up with the pick of the crop, is to study well, work hard, get an awesome job, makes lottsa money and then let our parents use our newly-acquired status and assets to buy us the best-looking model on display which we fancy.(P.S- we are talking about girls here- not cars). Those fancy studs woo these stupid girls, have a relationship (exploit them) and finally ditch them. Voila, they see sense and finally end up marrying someone like us for the safety, security and status- was what was drilled into my head by all those senior students at college who formed an Anti-love clique which openly dissuaded (with threats) people who tried to hook up with each other.

I took it all to heart - as I found it all eminently sensible- there was I knew, no way I could ever on my own (with my non-existent good-looks)- land a girl who was even half-way interesting or for that matter good-looking. I would have to buy them in the arranged marriage market through my position and financial power. And so at quite a young age (my teenage years- when everyone else around me was dating, except me) I gave up all hopes of love (or even looking at random girls) girded my loins, went to work- studied hard, worked hard, earned hard, saved hard- to achieve everything on the list marked above. And now when i finally stand back and look at what i have achieved- its time to pat myself on the back and say- Job well done. But here's the snag.

Now that I am well educated, well setled, well earning and have asked my parents to find me a girl- they seem to specialize in bringing to my approval - the very crumbs that no one (even I) used to reject at college. Again and again they seem to bring up proposals for the left-overs. Is this what I slaved all those late-nights for, sacrificed all thos years of not watching films (I love fims) for? Cant I....(change to) "Shouldnt" I get a goo-looking girl? Dont iI deserve one? after all these years of working my butt off, living like a monk (to get a good character- for the marriage market), never wavering or losing concentration and after finally achieving a substantial status in life cant I/dont I deserve even a marginally good looking girl? someone i can flaunt to the world and say- look, I am not a loser..dont you see this good-looking girl on my arm? I have arrived....

Call me Shallow Hall if you wish- I am not at all interested in "inner beauty"- i want only external beauty- as compensation for all those years of bloody hard work- And now i feel cheated of my prize - just when i am about to cross the finish line...whose fault is it? My parents? Fate? or those bloody Seniors at college?
Whose? Who should i blame?

Existential Dilemna's.....

This post will not involve any high-brow philosophical stuff but mundane matters like my sex life- or to be precise my non eistent sex life. I am going to have another birthday soon and am quite afraid that I will end up being India's only remaining virgin. If you think there cant be anything more pathetic then being a 35-yr old virgin - it is being constantly questioned whether my tastes lie in a different direction and being hit upon by gay men. Yuck. Just because I am not getting any action at all doesnt mean I am handicapped. Wait that didnt come out right. To re-phrase it again. Just beacuse I am starving(as no one has invited me to dinner) doesnt mean I would eat out of others plates. Getttit?

So, I am hanging in there, hope hanging by a slender thread, waiting for the magic night when I can make love to my wife..oh yeah! I hear all of you snigger...get real dude- aren't you making a mountain of a mole-hill? I beg to differ. There is a enormous difference between having sex and making love....(Source-all the great literature of the world). If you do it wife your legitimate wife after your wedding in the full knowledge that you are both affectionate towards each other- then it is called "making love". Anything else is just sex. I may be a philistine in such things....but sexual morals do matter to me.

So, here am I....just hanging on to my virginity, day by damn day- hoping something's gotta give soon- my luck will change and I will finally get the presure off my back. And till then I survive by mans greatest invention of all time- masturbation. Which is allowed - legally, morally and religiously, I believe. And if that wasnt allowed - men everywhere would go mad. After all we are all human beings with normal human emotions and feeling aren't we? so I survive- on a daily basis with just hope.

So, here's to me......hope I lose this damn status soon....pray for me.

My 3 Wishes....for the New Year

It's exactly a month to my next birthday and I have thought about 3 things to accomplish within the next 30 days. I am not entirely sure whether i can do all three or atleast one of them but i am sure as heck gonna try.

1) Top of my List is Weight Loss- I plan to lose 5kgs within the next 30 days. going to take a lot of hard work and willpower and time management. As usual I will skip one meal a day and try and work a bit more sincerely in the gym without wasting time staring at all those assorted cleavages, butts and ripped bodies on exhibit.

2) Marriage- I plan to get married or atleast engages within the next 30 days. Now this one is far more difficult as this involoves not only me but also the other party who has to agree to marry me. But no harm done in trying is there and I do have a possible candidate in mind with more than a 50% chance of not turning me down.

3)New Car- this one is actually the most doable i beieve. all it requires is to close my eyes and write a check and spend all my life's savings. I have shortlisted the Swift Dezire diesel but am sorely tempted by the Honda Jazz. But I think commonsense will prevail in the end.

So that it. My three wishes for the next month. And I will blog again on my birthday and let you know how i end up with my wishes.