The Ones We Trust Or Not….
I got back to training again. Oh
wait. That sounds too pompous, as if I am world class athlete training for the
Olympics. The truth is I limped my way to the neighboring gym and started light
cardio exercising again after a break of almost two months. The reason for this longish break being the
injury to my ankle and knee due to my ill advised venture of trying to learn Silambam
((Read this post for more)). After a long period of rehabilitation of the twisted knee
and sprained ankle over the Christmas and New year period, I at last worked up
the courage to limp back into the gym and instead of straight off hitting the
treadmill to run, I opted to sit back and relax on a spinning cycle trying not
to strain my left leg much, as this was its first outing and I didn’t want to
push it to the limit but just ease it back in almost like how you drive in a
new car during the first service period. And of all the things I noticed on my
return to the long and arduous route back to fitness (with my eternal enemy the
weighing machine sitting there and grinning at me), the one thing which made me
thoughtful was, even now when I had been pronounced healed, how much I was
avoiding straining my left leg and favoring my right.
Which sent me off on a tangent to
think. About how we rarely trust someone again once they either lose our trust
or disappoint us. I am a big fan of the forgive and forget method of mental
peace and I am always ready to get over mistakes and move on, provided the
apology is genuine. If someone realizes the error of their ways and wants a
second chance I almost always give that to them. But still, I couldn’t help
wondering if we do go back to the total trust we used to have on them prior to
their disappointing us. That’s exactly what I feel- disappointment -when
someone does something which I feel has either betrayed me or let me down. I don’t
get angry, I don’t get even, I just feel acutely disappointed that they could
not measure up to the standards I held them onto. Case in point - Something
which happened a couple of days ago at the hospital.
We have a system called informed
consent where, before any procedure, the patient is informed of the pros and
cons of the procedure and provided they agree and give their consent, they are
required to sign a consent form indicating their agreement. Most of the risks
and complications mentioned in the consent form are the on-in-a-million-chances
and unnecessary, but they are required by law and the insurance companies for everyone’s
peace of mind. The real risks of the surgery and its aftermaths are usually
explained by the surgeons themselves. But the rest, the procedures to be
followed right from the admission time to the discharge from the hospital are
included in the informed consent form and that’s handled by the front office
people, who are usually trained in giving a concise account of the forms
contents and getting the patient to sign it. Which works out fine for everyone-
the surgeon does his work- the actual surgery and the support staffs do their
work- the paperwork and formalities. And all of this is routine and has
occasioned no need for any interference or oversight on my part till I happened
to notice suddenly one day that the front office staff was making a grave
error. They were getting consent without informing.
Now that in my opinion defeats the
very purpose of the exercise to get consent. The staff of the front office was
shoving the disclaimer form at the patient and asking them to sign here and the
patient was doing that without asking why or what. Of course I wouldn’t blame
the patient for doing it blindly, after all they are already worried, anxious
and don’t realize the gravity of what they are signing for. But it’s the duty
of the front office staff to take the time to explain to the patient what it
was they were signing so blindly and doing anything else was sheer laziness or
petty arrogance. I walked up to the lady at the front desk, after the patient
had departed, and explained to her that as per procedure she should have gone
through the disclaimer form with the patient before asking them to sign. But
the front office lady stoutly maintained that A) this was how they always did
it B) no one else had complained till now C) so why was I raking this up? I had
always found the lady in the front office somebody bright and pleasant to work
with, so I was disappointed by her defending the error of her ways instead of
apologizing and getting on with it. So I took the time to give her a mini
lecture on what informed consent means and why it is necessary- in words of
four syllables as if explaining to a child of five. And of late I have started
checking with the patients whether they read through everything they sign.
Which is a complete waste of my time if I could only trust the front office
again like I used to do.
And that’s what I meant by the
difficulty in regaining trust once lost. In everyday life, as in my hospital,
there are times when even our most trusted persons badly let us down. And even
if we are disappointed we are sometimes forced by circumstances to work
with/along with them and we cannot avoid them by citing trust deficit between
us. Especially if they either apologize or act as if they regret the
backstabbing. But still we cannot go back to everything being honky-dory again
immediately. Even if we forgive and forget and start treating them like old, it
will still take time to regain our complete trust. They would have to prove
themselves trustworthy again as the onus shifts on them to convince us of their
reliability. Like my slowly easing my knee back into action and giving it its
full workload.
Which brings me to my second
observation of the day- where I almost unconsciously started favoring my right
leg instead of my injured left leg and making my right leg do double the work
of my other (weak)leg. When someone in a team fails to pull their weight, the
work automatically falls onto the others on the team who are forced to
compensate extra. And sometimes when a person is sincere and hardworking, more
and more work is thrust on them just because they are trustworthy instead of on
others who cannot be trusted to complete the job. I have done the same error
myself inside the operation theater. When there two or three OT staff nurses
present, we always demand that the one who is sincere attend us, as they can
anticipate our needs and provide us the next instrument we want even before we
ask for it, thus making it easier for us and saving time. This results in the
sincere person being overburdened with work, while the lazy layabouts dodge
work because of their reputations. No one wants them to assist and they are
happy with it, lazing off. Which is quite unfair to the sincere types. For they
will work and work ceaselessly without complaint till one day they will break down
with the strain. Like my right leg will if I put all my weight on it while
letting my left leg relax. So this is one lesson I have learnt today and which
I will apply in the near future- not to overburden the sincere persons while
letting the dodgers go scot-free, however much it eases my workload.
So those are the two nuggets of
understanding I gained today while working out on a spin cycle in the gym. Tell
me, do you forgive and forget easily? If so do you trust that person back
immediately? And do you overburden the persons you trust always? And does
anyone of the above lessons apply to you too?
