That Sphinx factor

That Sphinx factor

You know what they say about men never “get”ing women?  Lately I am finding it’s the cent per cent truth- atleat wher I am concerned. I am finding it far more difficult to understand what women mean when they speak or send me a message on chat or even when they just stay silent than say that I am in understanding how the big bang theory is reconcoled with the unified string theory. The older I grow the more convinced I am that I just don’t get women- no not at all- even after knowing someone for ages. I keep making blunders in conversations and chats and the only way I realize I have tripped up is when I see that little ticked arrow which shows – last seen at but not replied thingie. Lately I I keep thinking all the time “What is this girl saying? Why doesn’t she come out- right out and say it in simple english?” and then I realize its probably lost in translation- maybe she is saying it out loud- but I am tone deaf to her voice and the fault is in me. Or maybe not. Its all quite confusing.

The thing is, I don’t mean that I want to decipher the secret language of women or anything like that – that would be far beyond my limited mental capacity. I simply want to understand what it’s like to BE her as a person- to get to know her likes and dislikes and maybe even her moods (over the longterm). The fact that women end up being so remote and mysterious from us humble men makes us forget that they too are fellow human beings and have the same set of problems we face too on a daily basis. Women are probably afraid, scared, anxious, worried, depressed and go through all those emotional turmoils from time to time just like we do and in the end all they desire is to find happiness and avoid pain like all human beings do. That I get. But what I cant get is why they cant just come out and tell this straight out- instead of leaving me to blunder about blindly and trying to second guess what they mean with all their silences and smileys and emoticons and hmmm, hmmm’s.

I understand that women have their own feelings, thoughts and opinions which they are disinclined to share to anyone but themsleves but it boils down to trust . Trusting someone and sharing your thoughts with them may make the average women uncomfortable because of their vulnerability but if you want us to get you- you should consider doing this. Accept it from me that men are short sighted and cant really think long term.  If you want us to understand you- do please come forward and spell it out to us in single syllables – anything else is beyond our EQ levels. So do take pity on us poor men and say it out loud- in 3 feet words. Please. Pretty please.

Relationship Status- Jump off the Precipice.

Relationship Status- Jump off the Precipice.

So, yesterday I got a forward message on Watsapp which I shared on my Facebook wall – it went something like this- My Relationship Status: In-between heartbreak. I felt it was funny then (still do) and thought sharing it on my wall would bring my friends a few laughs. But when a friend asked me do I really believe in that, my answer was “Hell No”.  Let me explain myself fully dear reader, so show some patience and read on to the end.

Every time we get into a new relationship, scratch that we, and let’s begin again. Every time I get into a new relationship I do it with the full hope that this is it- this person is going to be my soul mate, this girl is who I am going to get old with and share memories with and all kinds of crazy adventures. Never, ever would I go in with the dreadful doubt that “oh god, this is also going to end soon isn’t it?” If we really do think like that when entering into a new relationship we would never be able to open up to the other person simply because we know we cant trust them not to hurt us.  And we are not sure they are worthy of our trust.

Those two words – trust and worth are the major players in any relationship- at least at the beginning- so let me go into a wee bit of detailed explanation on my take of those two. Do we need to trust only the worthy? And how do we judge someone’s worth? Everyday we trust people whose worth we don’t know and can’t assess personally- your bus driver for instance – everyday we take a bit of chance with people we don’t know. And can someone earn our trust perfectly? I am not sure. We are all distracted, diverted and flawed persons who even if unintentionally, can still hurt those we love with all our heart. Simply said- we all hurt each other all the time and to expect someone to never hurt us all our lives is to expect an angel to come down from heaven and live with us- lovely in concept but not practical.

So it becomes a choice- a choice to see who we give our trust to, our loyalty to, in the clear and perfect knowledge that though it may not get us an equal response but at least that person will not willfully hurt us. If on the other hand we keep waiting for people to earn our trust by showing their loyalty to us first- then I guess we have to wait for a million years- all alone. If we accept that people are human we should also be ready to accept that they are apt to mess up at times and hurt us too.

And despite those hurts still give them our trust and respect their worth- because as a flawed human being myself I am graceful when accepting others flaws and despite being hurt by their actions and words- I still feel that they are worth my overcoming all my doubts, uncertainties and anxieties about giving away my entire trust on the hope that the other person would turn out to be the right one. For me trust is not earned but given first and if the other person chooses to squander my trust it proves that though my judgment was wrong my heart was in the right place and I am still open for miracles to occur in my life.

I realize this is easier said than done but it has to be done if we need to get into that one relationship which will end up truly rewarding for all our blind belief. In the end its better – in relationships – to close our eyes and take a leap rather than stand on the edge all our lives afraid to take that single step over the precipice.

So there you have it- I am ready to open my heart and trust someone new – even at the risk of being betrayed and made a fool of - in the hope that they prove they are worthy of my trust and will turn out to be the one who completes me. It’s a risk I am willing to take. Are you?

Do Good Guys Finish Last, Always?

Do Good Guys Finish Last, Always?

So someone told me this morning the age old cliche of “awww shucks, you poor guy, dontcha know that good guys finish last”. I felt tempted to ask that person immediately but isnt that a good thing - finishing last? Arent more marriages breaking up nowadays because the guy finishes first and then goes off to sleep? And the poor partner has to let off steam by herself? So whats wrong with lasting the course and finishing last? But then again the person I was talking to wouldn't appreciate the sarcasm or get what I was talking about….which means once again #nobody but nobody gets my jokes.

So I tried to take it in the same meaning she spoke about – trying to imply that I am and would be a loser as long as I was a good guy. So here’s my riposte to that fake sympathy- I could think of a dozen reasons why good guys have it…well good despite being losers and here are a few

1) We stop to admire the view never mind if we lose the rat race- it’s the process of simply turning up and running which matters and taking in the sights along the way because winning is important but not all that important in the long run.

2) We help pick up a fallen comrade and fellow runner - never mind even if it’s a competitor for tomorrow karma will come back to lend us a hand when we trip and fall. We get that- even if others don’t.

3) We understand that no race is final there is always one more to run after this – so we don’t mind that losing feeling- it just means its taking us a bit longer to win.

4) We don’t just shut down our feelings and move away- we wallow in them, understand them, learn from them and come out healed and stronger for the process.

5) We almost always end up with other good girls when it comes to relationships- because only those who can look past the glamour of the winners can recognize kindred souls among the also-rans.

So with these few reason I would tell her and other go-getting ass-kicking winners- I don’t mind being called a loser as long as I remain – even in your shallow opinions- a good guy. Being good is a choice I make daily- I work on it all the time and resist the temptation to be selfish and snobbish and an all-round pain in the ass. And I would never change it to win your approval. The race to be an Alpha-male is quite exhausting and never ending and it almost never has an happy ending for anyone involved. I would rather be a happy man than be a winner even if it means I am called a loser….good guy is what I am , what I will be, what I aspire to be. End of response.