Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Topless on Yahoo Chat....Truth or Dare.

Wow! Some times you are bested but not disgraced. And this is one of those times. It all started with a little late night chat on yahoo messenger testing out my newly installed webcam bought with the express purpose of satisfying my female fan following around the globe. Ah! Ok! to tell the truth, my non-existent female fan following...till now.

What a webcam really allowed me to do was shove my face into my ex-classmates faces and gloat over them for my still-youthful (comparitively, ok?) appearance vis a vis my former classmates who all look so old, BALD and fat...Sorry guys, its the truth and you know it. I on the other hand still retain most of my own hair, have lost weight on the contrary and HOT OR NOT (a) has rated me = 8.6{You are hotter than 85% of men on this site!} which is pretty good going for a Non-Caucasian Male considering that all(99%?)of the women voting for the guys are whites. Tells you something about my sex-appeal doesnt it? I mean all those white-american women can't be wrong can they? even if I am unappreciated in my own homeland ...Indian women just have no taste..they like Hrithik, for Gods sake? Well, its always the case with Geniuses, they are not appreciated in their own sad.

To come back to the story, it was a hot, hot Chennai night..(
this is a very important extenuating circumstance your honor- please note this point)
and I was on the net...chatting on Yahoo messenger with my old friends from college who were all now in America and who show false sympathy for my not getting an American Green Card yet (A*@holes will not sponsor me..but just make fun of me for still being in India). And who do you think pops old college senior hot female (once upon a time) who lavished special attention on me during ragging time making my life wretched back then, when I was young, innocent and bashful.

She wanted to see my current transformation and requested video chat and I promplty obliged as I had already checked out her facebook profile (and recent pics)and knew she had drawn the wrong lot in the wedding lottery. Her husband may have been her ticket to the USA(spouse visa) but presentable he was not. And I thought of giving her a little heartburn at having missed noticing the swan inside the ugly duckling all those years ago and giving me a miss. So I accepted her request to start viewing my webcam, without remembering that I was practically topless (entirely) for it was as I mentioned before a Hot Chennai evening and I was alone at home and feeling hot had stripped my t-shirt off and let it lie on the floor beside the computer.

Of course, it didnt matter till now as I was just chatting with the guys and they were gazing enviously at my Pecs and Biceps and sundry other upper-body gym toned muscles. And then this lady starts seeing me inadvertently and she makes a little comment like .."you are all grown up since I last saw you as a little kid" which reminded me that I was topless on the internet in front of a lady(?) and it was the wrong position to be in and I quickly pulled on my t-shirt. She immediately started pulling my leg and commented at how I was too late to save my honour...and she had already seen me topless.

I was non-plussed for a minute but you dont often catch me with my pants down (thats a metaphor, by the way) and I wrote back that Fair is Fair and as per the rules of the game, having seen me topless she should oblige me by reciprocating...She logged off for a minute and I thought "there, you have spooked her off idiot". But I had judged her right.....she was soon back online and she informed me that she had just closed the door on her hubby dear form walking in on us during our chat. She then proposed a game of truth or dare between us and the loser gets to strip to topless. As I had already done it earlier, I had no problem in agreeing immediately and we started...

At first it looked like I might win easily with questions like these:

ME: 1) Do you love your husband?
2) dont you just hate that you married for money?
3) how's hubby- good or just a wimp in bed?
4) any affairs yet?
5) your friends or your husband's friends?
6) With white men?

SHE: 1) why are you still Single?
2) is it out of choice?
3) or out of incapacity?
4) Are you gay?
5) did you try to get a medical opinion?

At which point I lost my cool, blew a fuse and refused to play this vulgar game anymore and in short GAVE UP. And she won by a mile. Girls know all the right trigger points for men and they dont hesitate to hit below the belt without pity. Due to the fact that I had lost the a truly good loser I just logged off and disconnected the modem. End of Story...

P.s.( for the uncensored version of this story please e-mail me...)

A Slip- in my Non-Existent Fashion Knowlege?

Spent an interesting hour with a friend discussing High-Art. Aka Womens Fashions. Needless to mention that neither I nor my friend are extremely competent judges of womens wear but, hold on, let it be displayed on a female body, especially a nice and lissome lass and there is not a better connoisseur within fifty miles of the city.

The object of our discussion was that elusive and rarely visible part of a womens undergarment called colloquially "The Slip". According to the best informed sources....AKA Google search, a Slip is an essential part of the female wardrobe worn under transparent/semi-transparent/translucent/see-through garments. Although what is the point of wearing a transparent dress if you are gonna wear an opaque slip under it to cover everything up baffles understanding..But as all males, right from the one and original Adam of Paradise fame has failed to understand the workings of the female mind since time immemorial, who am I to even attempt to?

The object of attention/discussion made an unexpected appearance at the top Hang-out spot of North Madras....Abirami Mall..a Budget destination for the light pursed citizens of North Chennai..who unlike the Spencers and Inox crowd prefer to hang out in family-sized groups ranging from a minimum of 15 to 40 or more family- outing groups. This naturally makes those Brave hearted (or foolhardy?) romantic couples who brave the heat to venture into Abirami Mall - a part of the local sight-seeing attraction as entire families stand around and Gawk at the poor unfortunate couples....sometimes I am sorely tempted to stand up, wave and start handing out autographs the next time a family group stares at me as if I am a leftover of one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

In such a crowd did I spot the elusive whitish garment and pointing it out to my friend commented derisively that women will never learn to match undergarments with upper...confident in the knowledge that who after all is going to notice? forgetting the existence of Eagle-Eyes like self and friend. My friend with infinitely more experience and close aquaintance with womens underclothing not only corrected my mistake that it was a B** and identified it as a "SLIP"..the purpose of which he failed to explain and wanted me to learn from that infallible authority -Google.

All afire from a desire to learn the purpose of a garment which from all intents and purposes fails to satisfy its primary to shield its wearer from prying eyes but on the contrary enhanced the awesome figure and shape of the girl wearing it- I hurried home and went on to Google Search where I was offered a variety of those garments in different colours and styles from on-line stores which offered to ship them to me within 48 hours. I politely declined the offer as I could envision no circumstance under which I would be wanting to wear a slip right now...but in the future who knows? I might have to acquire a few of the same for my wife (post-marriage- whenever it happens) and other assorted women of my life....

So finally my knowledge of Female Fashions has increased by approximately one item...THE SLIP. and I am storing it up for future use.....