Monday, July 12, 2010

I count my blessings, Lord....

A very close friend of mine (and a regular reader of this Blog) has mailed me that my previous blog post was all gloom and doom and certainly has been tending to that way for quite some time. I am an admirer of all frank and constructive criticism and on sober reflection i have come to the profound conclusion, that , for once, i may have been in the wrong- to rant and rave aout the ills of my life....without giving a thought to my loyal readers who came to these pages to be entertained and amused and not to be bored with all the petty slights fate threw my way.

I spent some time thinking about the purpose of this Blog and blogging in general- was this a private recitation of things bothering me? Was the purpose of my blog to let out the stuff which, for instance, I couldnt even confess to my real world friends? Should I rehash all the minutiae of my life in an online forum? For after all a Blog is online- it is not a private thing. If I really wanted to unburden my mind I should probably write a diary on MS Word and save it to my Desktop and not publish it like this online.

The friend has also adviced me to forget my frustrations and just show my attitude to the world....So here goes I am going to try and see if my pluses outweigh my minuses:

1) I am Tall, Strong and Healthy- this may seem commonplace to you- but if you think again and again, you will find that not many men have all three qualities at once. I know many of my friends - who are neither strong nor healthy- even if they make more money than me. But thankfully, having been a former fat-person, I have spent a lot of time taking care of my body- that I still possess the arteries of a person five years younger to me..which means I am far more healthy than my peers. And having no bad habits helps too.

2) Education and Job - well, although I hate to boast, I should confess that I am fairly well educated having earned a Post-graduate degree through the hard way- pure merit. And doubly blessed that I have been able to join job after job, everytime I felt like moving on. Right from the day I have finished college I have always been employed and have earned a decent salary- enough for a comfortable life.

3) General attitude and temeperament - Starting out life as the off-spring of two lawyers has taught me early on the adage- stop getting mad, just get even. I have conquered to a large part my tendency for anger, and have cultivated a calm, serene personality. No one, including my parents, have ever seen me fly in to a rage or show anything except perfect equinanimity. That doesnt mean- I am all angel though- I do get depressed sometimes- but that usually follows jealousy- and that is the result of my frineds who have emigrated to America taunting me (through the net)that the best brains usually emigrate and the hopeless are the ones- left behind in India. That shouldn't bother me much - because someday I too will find someway/someone to help me reach trip is just delayed.

4) Marriage and stuff- Ok, Ok, its hard to count my blessings on this- I am on the wrong side of thirty and still a virgin. But what the heck, its not as if I am ever not going to be married- its just a little delay- because I am still not able to find the right girl to please both me and my parents at the same time. Come to think of it - the loss is not mine alone- its of all those girls out there who want to marry a genuine person. Where else are they going to find a guy, who is, even in this modern world(so full of temptations), pure- heart, soul and body. I can stand here straight and declare my purity to the many men of my age(both married and unmarried) can do the same? They will probably not think even one second if they are offered free sex. To be a moral and upright prson is to take pride in oneself- like me.

5) My Parents- ha, this requires a little elaboration- my parents have always been very supportive of me in everything all my life- they have brought me up happy and contented and the only disagreements we have ever had - have been in the last few months- since we started my marriage search. They have their own ideas about my ideal wife and i have mine...mutually incompatible? I dont think so. If fate wills it so and by Gods grace- I should hopefully soon find a girl who is both pleasing to me and satisfies my parents.

So, Thats the end of my Last and final self analysis blog post- and thank you my dear friend- for putting me back on the right track- when I was slowly drifting off into depression and self-pity. This has cured my completely. I am not that badly off- compared to the world around me- and I count my blessings- including friends like you. Adios.

Friday, July 9, 2010

A lonely weekend coming up.....

Atlast a weekend with nothing to do- no plans- coming up...And guess what instead of feeing relieved about it (as i thought i would)- i am actually not looking forward to it. I am quite sure i am going to be bored, sad, depressed and moody. It's sunday evenings that i actually miss never getting married. Being single is all fine on saturdays- when i could go out and hang out with friends. But on sundays, every damn guy i know- stays home with wifey, watching TV. They are actually quite happy to do it- week after week, month after month, never changing the routine. Me, I would grow bored of it within one month. Or would i?(just Sore grapes?)

Seriously, I must find a new hobby or something new to occupy me on sunday evenings...I even miss school/college- feeling nostalgic about doing my week's homework(in a hurry)in a single day- on sunday evening/night before going to school the next day. Never thought I would come to this state. Is this what growing old is all about? even thinking with longing all the past horrors?

I used to have a friend who specialized on sunday arguments/fights....i understand now the reason behind it. Silly of me, I didnt realize it was all due to boredom. I used to take the fights i miss even those hour-long arguments. It seems life/all my friends have moved on- without me- I am left behind- all alone. Gotta change something in my life - too boring right now.

So, what should I do to change my boring life? Shake it up a bit? Should i elope with someone? to some foreign country? That would make my life all interesting - atleast for a few days. Or should I try to get legitimately married- you know- like an arranged marriage? But although I am now willing (more than)- my dad is not. He keeps going about the house with a bunch of horoscopes of girls- murmuring Sani Dasa, Rahu/Ketu Dosha, Sevvai Graha etc...I feel like tearing up all those horoscopes and screaming at him- "Dad forget all this damn astrology stuff-I dont give a shit for them...just dont believe them- get me a girl I can "connect with"

But, I dont...he is my DAD- my well-wisher and he is doing all this stuff for me- misguided though he is. So, I grin and endure. And feel all lonely. Waiting for the time when somebody turns up to light my sundays too- make me watch TV beside them. Hope it happens soon.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Friends Vs Family.......

Ok! Ok! It doesn't have to be that way. I can hear the groans and objections. But this is a topic which has really come to my close and personal attention recently. Two different individuals with their name's starting on P. and of different genders are the protagonists of todays post.

P-1: an average human being, a totally loyal friend but a recluse to other social relationships and sticks to, at the most, one or two close friends. But Post-marriage there is an instant make-over. Forgets everyone but his better half and is now totally obsessed with leading a "happy family life".

P-2: an average human being, gregarious, verbose, with lots and lots of friends(& admirers)- preferably of the opposite sex. Post-commitment (in a marital relationship)- prefers to still hang out at parties and spend more time with old friends leading to an early and entirely avoidable break-up- with the long suffering partner. Friends remain- marital happiness/family life Gone.

My ADVICE (for what its worth):

P-1 is an easier case to cure - once he gets over the still continuing honey-moon obsession- is bound to return to the earth sooner or later. And you cant always keep obsessing about sex- you need other relationships too. So P-1 will very soon run out of topics to discuss with his new wife- having exhausted everything and come back to his friends. So hold on a little more guys. The guy after all is setting a good example- loving his wife more than any one else in this world- prefering her over his friends- for afterall she is gonna be there for him till the end of his life.

P-2's is the more difficult case. First of all P-2 doens't realize that what she is doing is even wrong. She keeps justfying that her friends are important. Yes. But family is always more important than friends. Infintely more important. Friends can forget you, avoid you, ditch you, get transferred out, change jobs, leave the city, anything. Family stays with you (no other option) always- same city, same house, same room. You can always make new friends - but the laws of this country makes it so much more difficult to get a new husband everytime you are dissatisfied with one.

More importantly- you can always say "NO" to a friend- if he calls you for a dinner date, or a movie or a vacation. There is no such friendship which exists where you say "how can i say No? he is such an old friend?" Precisely because he is such an old friend - he should realize he is old news and move away gently of his own accord. If he fails to do so but insists on contnuing his old and cozy relationship even after you get engaged/married- and insists on his rights to take you out whenever/wherever he wants- then it is a false friendship and he is definitely taking advantage of you(P-2) in the guise of friendship.

P-2 is stupid to sacrifice all family ties for a stupid old memory- of old college friendships. A lady should learn to say "NO"- to everyone including her friends. If not- you will be made a joke among the same friends- about what a girl of loose morals you are- if you always agree to their plans and are always available to them and never refuse them when they insist. How many men friends will you accomodate like this? And how can you blame the poor guy- your hubby- if he feels naturally jealous and possessive? will you let him go - if his old college girlfriends drop by suddenly into his office to pick him up and take him away to a late and intimate dinner party- right on your anniversary? Will you even then say that his (ex-girl)friends are more important than you- the wife?

My advice to P-2 would be to forget your friends wholesale- you can always make new and more interesting ones later- right now concentrate on your relationship and dont wreck it. Go to counselling with your partner and resolve the pending issues between you two- with a frank talk. Or take a vacation together- and before you go erase your address book or get a new SIM card. No friendship is worth the sacrifice of a stable and happy married life. You have got a whole life coming up for you stupid lady - dont waste it by living in the Past. Or else you should never have married- but continued to drink/party with your friends in beach resorts- till you get old & ugly/or your so-called friends marry and drop you themselves- whichever happens earlier.

I am going to send the link to this post to both of you- P-1 and P-2- you know who you are sweeties- both of you are dear to me. As a neutral observer and a True friend to you- I take the privilege of advising you both...bear with me.