Friday, September 24, 2010

The Percentages of Love

Those who dont fall in love with gay abandon are apt to end in failed relationships for the seeds of mistrust are whats holding you back...

Thats what I firmly believe and it was proved true by a interesting story I heard today as part of my un-official duty of acting as father-confessor/agony aunty to myriad young couples in love- who often assume erroneously that as a dispassionate observer I can provide understanding to what went wrong in their relationships. Sorry to say, I dont have that much experience of love, although I do of life and in that capacity I offer my commonsense advice and nothing more.

To get back to the story, there was this girl I had known for some time who came to me with the story of breaking up with her boyfriend whom she had caught texting another girl while in a relationship with her.."What is the meaning of relationship?" she asked me rhetorically "Isnt it about exclusivity? when you date someone and love someone- then you are supposed to love only that person at that time - atleast until you are with that person- you cant date anyone else, can you?" which was all perfectly sensible and I agreed with her- until she dropped the bomb."And thats why" she continued "I never trusted him fully and I never allowed him to take any advantage of me....that saved me, for I have escaped lightly and am free to find Mr.Right" she said and paused for my approval- I being a strong (and vocal) advocate for abstinence(before marriage) among my friends circle.

But in this case- I wouldnt support her. I felt then and still do- that what she did was wrong. If she never fullly trusted him....then how could she have loved him? Was what they shared love? How can you love somebody and still hold yourself back without giving yourself fully upto him- and I mean not in the physical sense. But heart-wise and love -wise. How can you can just love a bit and not-all out? I dont understand. You either love (and trust) or you dont..if not what the hell are you doing with that guy? What business do you have murmuring i love you's and planning marriage's when you dont even fully trust him.

Love is not love if there is anything less than 100%- even 99% is a failure- a cheat. Trust but verify is for politics- not for love. You either love or you dont- there is no middle ground. And if you love someone- you never hold back or have back-up, like if this guy cheats me- i have that other guy to fall back on. I am sorry, but thats not done. And if you truly loved someone- it would take some time for you to even recover from a break-up- you wouldnt be searching for a replacement boyfriend immediately. But of course, I said none of these things straight to her face- but just kept my peace- but she went down considerably in my opinion.

So an advice to all my young friends- if you really truly love somebody- give your ALL to the love- dont hold back- that is a sure sign of failure- and you are dooming your relationship right from the beginning. Mistrust leads to more mistrust, more doubts and before you know you have ruined a relationship which could have been with your soul-mate. And never ever think about back-up for marriage when you are in love- thats the sign of it all getting over. Having sex when you are in love is not wrong- having sex to just get married (to convince the other person)- is wrong.


  1. I trust no one and everyone. Now how is this, Doktor. The word 'trust' has been used and abused that I find that every single person has his/her own version of trust. In love as well, 100% is just not possible. Having backup plans is outright stupid but there shouldn't be 100% trust otherwise things get messy.

    I don't know how my idea convinces you.

    Joy always,

  2. well Susan, this post was written long back when i young/innocent/naive.....i am older now, more mature, wiser/cynical and i tend to agree with you...we love ourselves too much to ever love someone else that much.....but sometimes miracles do happen and i personally have in the past fallen head over heels in love when i would have replied (if someone had asked me) that my love was more than 100%.....but then i was a romantic to the core back then....not now unfortunately..more's the pity....

  3. then i was a romantic to the core back then....not now unfortunately..more's the pity....

    Yes, a pity Ganesh. But I pray that you experience that kind of love once again.


    1. who knows V? these things dont happen on plan do they?