Ask And You
Shall Be Denied
Are you a
man? A manly man? Have you ever bungee jumped from the high mountains? Have you
ever gone deep sea diving amid a school of
great white sharks? Have you ever wrestled hand to hand with The Rock
and Hulk Hogan? And do you think these are scary? You are wrong. There are
things even more scarier than getting your maths exam marks. Like, romance as
an example? Romance in the view of a single brown male for instance There are
few things in this world as terrifying as asking a woman out on a date. Ask any
man and he will immediately agree unless he is already married and
pussy-whipped into submission. Then he will pretend he never dated anyone at
all prior to meeting the one who said yes. The hardest question any male has
ever faced in his life is asking a girl he fancies “do you want to go out
sometime?” the answer means more than passing IIT and getting a H1B visa job.
Its putting your fragile ego on the line to get crushed. Its being vulnerable
to rejection on a most personal level- getting hit where it hurts.
Unless you
are man who has been there, done that and got crushed you cant possible
understand in its entirety that internal
struggle which every male faces when he
tries to be romantically bold with someone he’s just met and had a few words
with in a social setting. In most mens
experiences, everything, every prior experience, every particle fiber in your
mind is yelling “Just go the fuck home already, lock your room doors, put some
sunny leone on and just shag off. Save your heart from total damage, just don’t do this dude,
run when you can”. But being a man means you close your eyes, harden your heart
and do it anyway because there is an infinitesimally small chance (say like once
in a million) there's a possibility that she’ll say “yes, ok, i will have a
coffee with you”. But chances are that nine times out of ten she’ll say no. And that can feel like a kick up your balls
just on the day you forgot to wear any undies.
The easiest
way to deal with the pain of being turned down for a first date is to go get
drunk with your friends. Its quite educative, especially if you are teetotaler and your friends like to drink theirs straight up on the rocks. Buy them a
couple of drinks and watch how they philosophize it all away. Chill dude, it’s
her loss, they will assure you with a
straight face “the bitch just doesn't realize what an awesome catch you are. She
must have her own issues that have nothing to do with you. Just forget her and
order us another beer” and which is the
cue to ring in that “tasmac song” in gana bala’s lyrics. Come to think of it,
its not just your friends telling you that same shit- its not you, its her,
everyone is saying it online. People who spend their lives creating and sharing
memes on facebook and watsapp – memes analyzing all about love rejection and
heartbreak keep saying the same thing that if a woman didn't straight up tell
you why she wont even have a coffee with you, assume it’s because of her issues
rather than because of any deficiency of yours. Its just not possible for any
woman to weigh you up in seconds and make up her mind dismissing you as a
possible long term partner based on such a short scrutiny. And yeah, you might
believe such love pundits at first. But then it’s late night and you’re wide
awake, staring at the ceiling and wondering how you ended up becoming such an unlovable person,the beast from the “beauty
and the beast”series.
And deep
down in some part of your brain you know there’s not a lot you can do to change
whether women do or don’t find you attractive. Your hit ratio, or to put it
more crudely the hit-on ratio is very random and arbitrary and doesn't make
sense at all. Not when you succeed and not when you fail. No one is going to
share the real reason why they liked you or why they unlike you. Only that the reason people are attracted to us or not is for all sorts for reasons that are
way beyond our control. There is no need
to worry about finding the the right words to spell it out, the right way to
approach them to ask out, all that externalizing shit we use to convince
ourselves as the the perfect way to impress and get that first date for attraction-
doesn’t work that way. In the authors
experience there is no single right move at all . Some women like guys whom
other women abhor at first glance and vice versa. One women’s hrithik roshan is
another’s tushar kapoor.
Then there are
those who offer a quick fix solution
(something which you’re probably tired of hearing a lot)- to be more
self-confident. How many times have you heard that advice? It’s not about how
you look, it's whether you exude self-confidence. But what the hell does that
actually mean? How can you exude self-confidence if you’re not, in fact, all
that self-confident? And how can you be self confident after getting beat up
all those many times on asking and facing rejection after rejection. Beats me.
The only person who can be self confident in such a situation is a
ghajini-type with total and instant short term memory loss. In fact more than self confidence what you
need is masochism (a form of sadism where you inflict pain on yourself) when
you are about to ask out an insanely hot woman who you are damn sure is way out
of your league. Masochists never take no
for an answer because they love getting slapped again and again – even when the
opposite party makes clear that she is not interested at all- because they
never believe that they are not desirable. They think they are the cats
whiskers, the axe ad men and gods gift to women. And you know what? Sometimes they get lucky
as some women prefer the the persistent pests to the more suave gentleman who
believes a clear “no” is a real “no” and moves on with their life. So being a
bit of a bastard who doesn't take no for an answer often gets you that girl who
would otherwise brush you off at first hit.
So to
conclude its pretty much given that girls will say no and it hurts if they dont
want you to. But you cant stop looking and stop asking and allow yourself to
wallow at home in self pity, licking your wounds. You just have to go out there
and keep asking- hoping the right woman says yes, the woman who feels lucky
that she found you and vice versa. Good luck asking...
