Absent Empathy and Low Emotional Quotient

Absent Empathy and Low Emotional Quotient

When you are sick and at home a'bed you have time, lots of time, to rehash the past and go revisit all those wounds which scarred you over the course of your life. Although not a healthy practice in everyday life, sometimes it does become necessary to reopen old scabs and inspect the wounds underneath, to stare at and learn something from past errors. The most worrisome thing is when you rehash the past and find that you haven’t learned anything at all from it but have kept on doing the same mistake again and again.  And that is something I find I am guilty of. I have never seemed to have learnt from my mistakes. All of my actions, say for instance in my relationships, seem to follow a predictable pattern. Invariably I have been associated with people (let’s leave it that) who have been barely stable psychologically spanning the entire spectrum right up to frank psychopaths. I could give specific instances with examples, but as that wouldn't serve any purpose other than titillating you the reader- let me pass lightly over all those unsavory types with overactive imaginations who read too much into casual things and couldn't deal with reality but tended to lash out at me for not acting up to their imaginary expectations.

After much thought into why I repeatedly attract psychos towards me – I can only think of two reasons- either I am one of them too (if I were, would I know it?) or it’s because of my innate empathy- my high quotient of emotional intelligence which makes me sympathetic towards those who are barely there psychologically. Unfortunately no good deed goes unpunished and those very same unstable characters that I alone am able to tolerate their antics of, react like the asp cladded to the chest and tend to bite me as soon as they can and poison my peace of mind. So in retrospect I think I would have been better off if I had behaved insensitively right from the beginning and been the kind of self-centered asshole most men are when it comes to women. Being sensitive has its punishment- it attracts the wrong types who subsequently manage to make life hell for the sensitive person. It’s always better to be an asshole rather than be at the receiving end of one. Be bad or be crushed is the conclusion I can come to after reviewing my entire case history. Empathy, sympathy and all kinds of tolerance are the enemies to decent people. Assholes have it easy, good guys don't. That sums up lesson number one of my relationship error history- be selfish in getting what/who you want.

Lesson number two immediately follows- never mistake pity for love. Many times I have been guilty of dating the undateable, loving the unloved. I can’t help it- I am made like that. I am a great friend of all street dogs, homeless people and the left behinds of society. That might be a part of my job as a doctor- to help the unfortunate but when it comes to selecting someone to spend the rest of my life with- that’s about the biggest error to make- as I have learnt to my cost. There are some people who have been left alone because they deserve to be. Why society, even nature has judged them and found wanting – that they are fit to be alone all their lives- the confirmed spinster types. And it’s the height of foolhardiness (masquerading as bravado) to go and start something with them. They won’t give you any love or gratitude for rescuing them from a life of loneliness. They will instead show all the pent up hatred towards society for neglecting them all this time- all on you. You will become the symbol for everything they have lost in their lives till then- all their wasted youth, all their lost dreams all their expectations towards finding a good match- all of it foisted on your head and the blame laid solely on your head.

Let’s come to the gold diggers next. Those women who don’t give shit about you or your emotions except in learning how to manipulate them to their advantage before finding a good enough reason to justify dumping you after their exploitation. These are the types who often scream “harassment” and “stalking” and all those carefully pre-selected keywords which immediately stroke the ire of the femi-nazi brigade who they hope will confuse the issue enough by talking about women’s empowerment to mask the bare faced financial swindling they subject the men to. Their logic is simple when a woman screams harassment nobody ever asks so how much did you borrow from him or how much did you make him spend on you? I know that it’s not a given that anybody, any woman who makes money of you should get compulsorily emotionally involved with you, but when you dangle emotional entanglement as a carrot for financial benefits it becomes a straight financial trade doesn’t it? To make him spend his last rupee before he realizes that no she has not loved him, has never even been in love with him is the ultimate goal of such gold diggers.

 Compared to these type of women the straight sex for money kind of dealing by professional sex workers is far more honest as at least you know what you are getting into right at the beginning and will by the end at least have some money left in your pockets instead of being completely wiped out- both emotionally and financially. And that’s lesson number three- when a woman is more interested in your financial background, asks how much you make per month and wants to be taken to expensive food joints in the guise of experiencing new ambiences- all those are warning flags that you are about to be swindled left, right and center. No woman who is looking for lifelong commitment is going to make that decision based on how much you are willing to spend for her on every single date. Just take an about turn and run.

Finally the point of having a life time commitment is that for a long time you not only have to tolerate each other but also depend on each other- for everything. Your life partner is not only going to be your closest friend emotionally but also your financial planner, your investment adviser, your banker and the first person to listen to and give advice on any and every major decision or event of your life. Would you choose someone who gives you wrong advice? Or who is clever enough to guide you on the right path when your mind is fogged with emotional turmoil? Or would you select someone standoffish who doesn’t want to hear your troubles but prefers to talk about their troubles all the time? Which is the worst option? Based on such questions alone should you select a life partner- someone with whom you going to share food, share a bed, share a room, share kids, share money, share property and share everything else- including when you are old and feeble at the fag end of life. That’s not a decision taken lightly is it?

Hence my decision to look for someone with high emotional quotient and real empathy and to sterr clear of psychos henceforth. Wish me luck, comrades.