Showing posts with label Non-Vegetarians. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Non-Vegetarians. Show all posts

Monday, March 10, 2014

I, Vegetarian?



I, Vegetarian?



My name is Ganesh and I am a non-vegetarian. Isn’t that the way to introduce oneself at Alcoholics Anonymous? Truth to tell I haven't been to any AA meeting but I have seen the same scene plenty of times in films where recovering alcoholics go to AA meetings and use the above introduction.  It’s called acknowledging your addiction in front of others, agreeing you have a problem before you ask for help from the group. It probably works too as AA has a burgeoning membership all over the world and so I decided to go the same way in my challenge to turn vegetarian.

So to begin from the beginning, it’s been a week since I turned vegetarian and I seriously need help to continue being one. Well let me make it clear that my turning a vegetarian at this late stage has nothing to with a moral or ethical conviction that vegetarianism is superior, as the PETA people say. My understanding of the food chain is simple- you can either eat the plants directly or you can eat the animals that eat the plants indirectly- it doesn’t matter for ultimately it’s all from the same food source - solar energy - the sun. As the sun undergoes a nuclear reaction inside itself - fusion between hydrogen and helium atoms takes place and it pours out the nuclear energy as radiant energy to the planet earth where the plants eat the energy as photosynthesis and grow, the animals eat those plants and grow and people like me eat those animals and grow too much while at the same time the germs inside me are eating me right now and the worms will eat me after my death to recycle my atoms again into the universe as pure matter- so all in all life is a neat cycle and nothing is wasted.

So ultimately all I eat is nuclear energy regardless of the intermediate source I get it from- plants or animals. But the reason I have switched over to vegetarianism recently is pound for pound non-vegetarian food is more calorie rich when compared to vegetarian food and hence I am getting more bang for my buck. Although in theory getting value for money is a good thing, in this case, when I am looking to lose weight and I want to create a calorie deficiency I am looking for something which is equally filling but at the same time less useful for my body - voila, plants. And hence my, so far painful, conversion to vegetarianism.

As to why I want to change over, well let me put it bluntly - it’s because I want to live to see my fortieth birthday which seems quite a remote possibility right now unless I really make some lifestyle changes immediately. My cholesterol levels are way over, I suspect I have hypertension and I am well on my way to having my first heart attack -it’s just a question of when and not if. In addition to this, I am moody, cranky and I am picking fights with everyone for no reason at all making me universally disliked. My weight has boomeranged till I look like an overblown balloon nowadays and I have long since forgotten how the inside of a gym would look like.

And I cant even blame work pressure or work overload for this neglect to exercise as in the past whenever I got busy at work and couldn’t hit the gym I used to make sure that when I came home at night, from the car park I would walk right back into the street and walk up and down and up and down the street in front of my house for an half an hour or forty five minutes before going back to ring the door bell of my house and then supper. Somehow I used to make time if I didn’t have the time during the day. But all that is in the past for now I come home, hog supper and flop myself in front of the computer to check face book notifications and type blogposts like this when I should be out walking and getting a little exercise.

If I were a psychiatrist and if I were a patient before me, I would probably say something like this "son, you have a deep seated psychological problem which is causing you to put on weight and de-motivating you from exercising by making you lethargic. Find the cause and fight it first". But well I am not a psychiatrist and anyway I don’t believe in all that mumbo-jumbo. So I have decided to take the practical route with a series of small goalposts to help me along- forget the big aim at the end- it’s all small steps I can live with for now
1) Turn vegetarian- lose the meat - cut cholesterol
2) Reduce quantity- put myself on a semi-starvation diet by intermittent fasting
3) Get at least ten minutes of walking a day- more than that I cannot promise in the initial stage- but at least that. For if I do force myself to take off for an hour a day I am sure that won’t last more than two days. So for now- ten minutes is all I need and I think its doable.

These are the three small goals I have for this month on my HAP-LLG "Heart Attack Prevention and Long Life for Ganesh" plan. And I have already crossed the first hurdle of resisting temptation by sitting down at the dinner table today with a small plate of beans while everyone else around me were eating spicy fish curry with relish. I hope my resistance to temptation and my newly converted vegetarian zeal lasts the whole way. Wish me luck for if I fall off the wagon I am pretty sure I would be falling straight in to my grave. Let’s hope the plants I am eating now - those bland, tasteless, grassy stuff (yuck) - hold me back from that early grave. And good luck to all those animals who have escaped my attention- you are indeed lucky I changed my mind. 


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Biriyani Vs The Babe



For the Love of a Good Biriyani

An enticing plate of Chicken Biriyani
There is this girl I have been seeing recently and I had assumed (optimistically, as usual) that I was onto a good thing. Till a sudden revelation, something like a bombshell falling squarely on my head, came when I least expected it and showed me a different side to her beyond the obvious prettiness which had attracted me. There we were, having a cup of coffee on Sunday talking about innocuous/safe subjects (or so I thought) like two people prefer to chat on in the initial stages of courting, when the talk veered around to her travels in Europe- she being a frequent traveler to those parts in the course of her busy work life. And that’s when she went on to say (with a shudder) that she hated all europeans as they all stank so bad all the time because, you know, they eat non-veg food (for the un-initiated a non vegetarian eater is someone who eats meat/fish/egg or basically anything which is not a plant, which is all that pure vegetarians or plant eaters eat) and what else can you expect from "such" people, she asked me. 

Alarmed at her blanket condemnation of non vegetarians as stinkers, I stopped to sniff my arm pits (twice) just to make sure she didn’t mean present company and once satisfied that the deodorant I had sprayed on earlier was still masking my  natural scent I leaned back away from her (why risk it?) and in a aww shucks you must be kidding me tone of voice, I asked her to explain in fuller detail her theory of non-vegetarian stinkiness, which of course she was happy to do, for which girl can resist talking non-stop on her pet hates? In a rambling speech full of disdain for people other than the "superior caste" to which she belonged, she expounded her pet theory of how  meat eaters were responsible for the downfall of our once great society and for which sins they would all be punished severely after death by lord Yama (the Indian Hades).

And as she dug more and more the grave of our friendship, I couldn’t help but reflect how even an expensive education and a good job traveling around the globe couldn’t erase the prejudice against the “other” instilled in her from her early "orthodox" upbringing. Her modernity had just been a veneer to cover up the shallowness and prejudices underneath. Here was a perfect example of obscurantism masquerading as traditionalism and if parents brought up their kids instilling such thoughts we would soon see an Indian version of the taliban. Of course the blame should be equally divided between her parents who had failed to teach her that all human beings are born equal and her education which had failed to bring her to the same realization independently. She took my silence as agreement with her views and went on and on about the ugly habits (and lifestyles) of non-vegetarians in general and how infinitely superior vegetarianism was as deriving its authority from the ancient vedas and how they alone were the ones dedicated to the maintenance of the purity of our great Indian culture and vedic way of life (vegetarianism) - at which point I felt that I should maybe introduce her to my best buddy in college –arun raghavan. 

Arun and Me - 1ong, long ago - singing Yeh Dosti
 My friend Arun's from the same caste/sect as this girl was- a Tambrahm- but I have never seen anyone else who could polish off a plate of chicken 65 faster than him- so much so that whenever we ate out (on our meager pocket moneys) to celebrate our minor achievements in college - it was a case of the fastest eater gets the most pieces when it comes to side dishes like chicken 65 or butter chicken. I am sure every one of you has known a friend or two like that in your life, who you miss every time you leave a dish half-finished. Anyhow, my point is all kinds of people enjoy eating meat in our modern society and there is no relation between what you eat and what your status in society is. And even if most tambrahms are vegetarians from birth - as specified by their tradition- I haven’t found them to be haters of non-vegetarians like the person who was sitting opposite me prattling away her pet theories of hate for others.

 
A delectable Chicken 65

 As I sat there listening to all the caste BS she was spouting, I could feel all the mystique of her attraction evaporate like mist and my respect for her growing less and less with every minute. I couldn’t help but think on what a long term relationship with her would mean- no more chicken 65, no more butter chicken, no more mutton roghan gosht, no more mutton biriyani, no more sampling the fine things of life, which alone make life bearable. Was any girl worth this hassle? Of turning into a lifelong vegetarian? What was it to be- a hot biriyani or a hot babe? 

In the end I was thankful that a totally innocuous topic of conversation had helped me see a hidden facet of her- the realization that here was a closet bigot who covered up her prejudices under a false modernity. Wearing modern wear does not translate into modern thoughts- there was still the same old caste fanaticism in her talk by the way which she used even the culinary choices of others who didn’t subscribe to her traditional way of life as evidence of their inferiority to her caste. 

I suddenly felt I needed air, fresh air away from all this and I hurriedly mumbled my excuses and made a break for it before my temper got the better of me and I said something to show my utter contempt at her assertions of caste superiority.  I almost never get angry and rarely lose my temper and I most definitely don’t insult girls (at least to their faces) - but in this case I was tempted to make an exception. Only the reminder that she was there as my guest that day and Athithi Devo Bhave (guests are god)- as per our "superior" culture which prevented me from speaking my mind frankly on her superiority bias.

A half hour later - as I was traveling back home in the auto rickshaw I made a sudden life decision- one of the most important ones of my life. I told the auto driver “Bass, don’t cross the Chintamani signal, just drop me off at the Buhari Hotel entrance” and getting down at Buhari restaurant I went in, ordered a mutton biriyani and chicken 65 and ate with the relish of a condemned prisoner who escaped the noose at the last minute. And I sent a silent thank you up there for rescuing me from a fate worse than death- which I might have fallen into eyes wide open, if not for providence and a loose tongue. 

Moral of the story- Bi***s come and go, but a good Biriyani is forever.

P.S. I wish all the bigots could take a trip out to space and from there once they take a look at our earth- a small little planet in the huge cosmos- they will realize how stupid all this artificial divisions of race, religion, caste and colour is.