Does Getting Angry Helps?

Does Getting Angry Helps?

I have always considered myself as a patient man. Someone who is seldom if never seen to be angry. One of the proudest boasts of my dear mum – especially when we go bride hunting/girl seeing- is that she has never seen her son, never ever, get angry. Which is true to an extent (only)- I am pretty slow to get angry (a very, very slow burning fuse) and even if I do get irritated its almost always strictly under control- I never express my anger in an ungainly manner, or throw temper tantrums or use the anger as an excuse to throw harsh words at others as a way to get things done my way. I mean, I get the concept of what the heck does this moment matter in the big picture of life without waiting to count the mandatory 1 to 10 recommended as anger-control measure. But lately I find that this is turning out to be a pretty big disadvantage in my day to day life.

 Those who are considered short tempered people, those who throw temper tantrums and other things at people's heads when provoked get more things done easily than reasonable ones like me who try to deal with issues in a more nuanced manner. After watching numerous colleagues get things done more easily by raising their voices and throwing a temper tantrum at the drop of a hat, I am tempted to indulge in one too. Especially given the feedback I get from people when I ask why I am not served but made to wait while the angry ones get precedence and the matter of fact explanation I am given is that “sir you are an understanding person and will wait but he/she is a very angry person and hence we want to get rid of them fast by doing their work first”. Which shows that being calm has now turned into a very big disadvantage as it ensures your work keeps getting postponed indefinitely while the angry ones get served immediately.

And I am reminded of the old Indian folk saying of the “the child which does not cry does not get fed” and am sorely tempted to do something completely unexpected of me next time I want things done- raise my voice, throw things or shout hysterically and rant and rave. But the problem is how to stimulate anger when I don’t feel it really? Can I be that good an actor? Remains to be seen...watch out for more news on this page.

P.S. On reflection, do I really want to join the gang of the foaming at the mouth brigade? Can’t I be a calm and reasonable person and still get things done on time? Does our society really want to oblige only the beasts who lose their temper rather than serve reasonable and calm persons? Is this my fault or society’s fault? Do you have any suggestions or views on this, gentle reader?

Too Much Info…..

Too Much Info…..

This happened in a large teaching hospital with a patient who had reported for a minor surgery and was allotted an intern to be operated by

Me : Call me when you are ready to start- after anesthetizing the patient. I have to check this PG student’s surgery which is nearly over and I will be with you to oversee your surgery.

Intern : yes sir, yes sir,  all right sir. (leaving out just the 3 bags full)

Me : (approaching a few minutes later) Everything ready? Shall we start?

Intern : yes sir.

Me: (taking knife in hand) – Let me make the first incision. So, which area?

Intern : First I was living in vysarpadi sir, now we have shifted to perambur.

Me : (giggling into my mask which is thankfully hiding my face)- I meant the area of surgery- right or left? Which side?  And I don’t mean your house site…

Intern : silence.

And I wonder why this kind of thing happens only to me. 

YOUR 7AM FRIEND.

YOUR 7AM FRIEND.

So there I was talking to a friend of mine who stays alone in the city, actually works alone in the city, with her family in a different state and I was talking generally about how boring festivals like Diwali are when you are alone in a lodge/hostel room while the rest of your colleagues are off celebrating with their families and the talk slowly veered around to friendship, best friends, close buddies and the recently much hyped 3AM friendships – where you designate any friend (preferably one without an irate/jealous spouse) as the one you can call without hesitation at any time of the day or night and demand they come over immediately to satisfy any issue/fancy of yours which arises after midnight and which cant wait till sunrise.

And so this girl was asking me “So can I count on you to be my 3AM friend?” and I answered truthfully “Hell no, don’t count on me like that. At best I can be your 7AM friend- I sleep so soundly that even a canon let off near my head won’t wake me up mid-sleep- let alone a ringing mobile phone. So the best I can do is wake up at 6AM, see the missed call on the mobile and get to you by 7AM. Is that acceptable?” Needless to say such candor on my part was not received with the appreciation honesty deserves but was derided as inadequate friendship. Well that's the way of the world, isn't it?

AGREE TO DISAGREE

AGREE TO DISAGREE

So there I was talking to a friend of mine and he said “we never seem to agree on anything do we?” and I reacted with a “so?.....” and left it hanging there as I left for the day. All the way back home I was wondering about what makes me have such great friendships even with people I have nothing in common with at first sight. But then again, I decided, we do have one thing in common, obviously, one vital thing and if you haven’t guessed what it is yet, hold on, its something called “maturity”. Yes that’s right, when you spend time with people who are mature and have no hang-ups and insecurities (like how most of my friends are) then you can listen to and acknowledge differences of opinions without being offended by it or the speaker who expresses it. It’s only people who are unsure of themselves and their own opinions who want/crave like-minded people to always agree with them. Having a different point of view is not necessarily a bad thing in my view. We are sometimes restricted by our own life experiences and it takes someone with a different life journey to shake us out of our complacency and show us a different life.

Like in the movie Aladdin when the super hit song “A whole new world” (written by Alan Menken) and sung by Aladdin and Princess Jasmine contains the words “I can show you the world…….A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view,……..” and that’s what friendships are supposed to do – show you a new point of view, taking you beyond your own limitations of imaginations. And in the course of that if we feel we don’t always agree it’s a good thing according to me. I am a great lover of  masala films- the dishyoom, dishyoom ones with two duets/four fights formula…while I have a few friends who watch Korean movies (or as I term them “award” movies) and keep raving about them all the time.  And you know what? we get along well with each other because we might not agree on our choice of movies but we are both, in the end, movie fans. Similarly I have friends who swear by Ayn Rand while I regard the old hag with distaste, still it doesn’t stop us discussing books in general and being book-worms together. And I could go on and on with examples.

In the end it all boils down to this- if we are intelligent and mature (and not necessarily in that order) it doesn’t matter to us what our friends eat or what they watch or what we agree on….we are human beings all and we have our individual quirks and none of them makes a whit of difference to our friendships. And that’s how being friends with me feels like. So tell me – are you mature enough to tolerate me when I disagree with you? Do tell…