Killing With Kindness

Killing With Kindness

I am sorry to say this Mr.So-and-so but i think your wife wants to kill you. Nothing else explains what you just told me.

But doctor I don’t understand, why should she?

How would i know? Have you recently insured yourself for a large amount?

No doctor, nothing like that.

So does she hate you for any reason at all? Have you had an affair with anyone? Like her sister for instance?

No doctor, that is not my weakness at all. I don’t go much for women.

Yes i understand from what you told me that eating well is your weakness (even if you just stuff food inside you mindlessly). So can you think of any reason, any reason at all, that your wife wants you dead?

No doctor I can’t think of a single reason why she wants me to die. But are you sure that I will die if I continue like this?

I am damn sure of it... there can be no other possible explanation to it based on what you yourself told me. Well let me summarize the facts for you again and let’s see if i got it correctly.

You are already overweight and obese and have no time to exercise. But every day  when you sit down to dinner and your wife makes Dosas for you, you don’t know the number of Dosas you eat, you don’t bother to count them but you keep eating as many of them as your wife keeps putting on your plate- which she does continuously telling you that you need your strength.

And if by a miraculous attack of conscience halfway through you get up and refuse to eat anymore- telling her the doctor advised you to control your diet, then your wife fights with you or bursts into tears and forces you to eat all the dosas she has made, right?

That means there is only possible answer- your wife wants to stuff you enough to make sure you get diabetes, kidney failure, hypertension, cholesterol, heart attack and die pretty soon- that is why she keeps giving you hot, hot dosas straight from the stove, what else can explain her behavior and your over eating?

Any other explanations people?

Oru Sada Dosai Masala Dosai Agiratu- To paraphrase - A Plain Jack turns into Jack the Giant killer

Wow, what a lengthy title for a blog- but its been a long time and you just have to bear with me. To come back to the matter at hand- my last post was about my weight loss methods. I am happy to treport that not only have they worked out better than expected - I am actually finally turning from the "Ugly Duckling" to the "Golden Goose". Ok, Maybe thats a bit of an exaggertion. But what happened is this. All the hard work at the Gym is finally paying off .

Last evening, I happened to run into an old acquaintance - shall we call her S- who i used to date in the bad old days of early 2000's - specifically 2004. She was , to put it mildly astounded and hang mouthed by my new body- she literally couldn't recognize the "New Me" - And I swear I'm not exaggerating. She (Drooling from one corner of the mouth) Told me she wouldn't have recognized me, would have simply passed me by- if I hadn't made the first move by stopping her for old Reminices. And this from a girl who after having eaten three large-sized Popcorns (bought by me) at the premiere of Spiderman (the Original-part 1, circa 2004, - noon show @ Satyam Theatre) had dropped me the next week for a A****. And now she was clearly lusting for me again- And to top it all - all that free food smooched out of various dudes had finally had its effect on her- she had a posterior extending 3-feet away- something resembling the hanging gardens of Babylon. The Wheel - Gentleman and Ladies- Had turned full circle- Now I was the home-coming Queen at the Prom- while she was an also-ran. After a short talk, she had an unusual request for me- she had an enemy at her new office - a colleague who was a bit of a hit with the boys- and she wanted me take down this femme-fatale for her. S. was willing to provide all the dope- all the obvoius pressure points to work on her friend turned competitor for me to have an easygo in the matter. I Respectfully Declined. I'm already having too much fun - hunting down all my old girlfriends to show them what they missed - "the New ME".

And as for a final thought - I'd like to a share a home-truth. For those who say getting a make-over from Fat To Thin- can be a life-altering experience- I beg to differ. Nothing has really changed in my life - except maybe a few of the ladies checking me out discreetly at the Gym- that might be due to pure envy (or to confirm whether its the same guy they saw 6 months back). Life goes on at the same even speed- or maybe its just me- I was cool enough to begin with- you can't make me any cooler...It's Attitude, Dude. Right?