My erstwhile
colleague Anand called after a long time and asked me “how it was going”. When
I asked him back the same thing he started off on a long rant unmindful of the
mounting call charges “the economy was going south” he started off “what were
the bloody Europeans thinking off when they gave those loans to the Greeks?,
first the Americans and now the Europeans, everyone seems to be playing with
the world economy..And now look at us..The rupee has gone zooming up to the
dollar, how can we buy anything at all? petrol prices are sky high, can’t even
switch on the a/c on in the car for fear of fuel consumption, the govt doesn’t
care, no one cares” he stopped for breath and I got in a word edgewise when I finally
got the chance “How are your kids?” he continued from where he left off “oh, fine, fine, they are all well, I say, you
should come see them now, they are all grown up since you last saw them, the
little one is going to start play school this year. And by the way” he added
almost casually “I have shifted my house, you should come see the new house,
its right behind DAV school”. “What?' I asked in a shocked voice and then the
more important “but why?” he hesitated for the first time before saying “well
you know the usual family thing - my mother and my wife had some problems, my
wife was complaining that there was no privacy in the house for even talk
between husband and wife and to make things easier on everyone, I decided to
move away from my parents house to a rented flat- its small but it’s very
private- no one to disturb us”..I chewed over this for a few seconds, for when
I had known him, he had been a very attached and affectionate son, who had
listened like the gospel truth to whatever his parents proposed and ultimately
marrying a girl he didn’t even like, just because his mother felt she was the
right family type..Well, these things come to bite you back, don’t they? Anyhow
I asked him the one thing which felt incongruous in the whole logic “so who
takes care of the kids now?” for his wife was a lecturer at an engineering
college and had to do a long commute everyday outside the city. He replied
happily “my mother-in-law has made a big sacrifice by consenting to come and
stay with us to take care of the kids till they grow up a bit”. Ha! So this was
his idea of privacy.
Anyway the
point of this post is not about anand's marital problems but about the culture
of negativity and pessimism some people spread about as if it were perfume. I
have never actually believed in the glass is half empty philosophy for I
thought that any fool can look in the glass and see that it is half full and
until it drains to the very dregs tat the bottom it is not time to start
worrying. But there are people around who perfectly epitomize JK Rowling’s
description of Dementors – those who spread negativity and suck the fun out of
everyone around. These people are a walking talking miasma of misery.
I have
met quite a few of these oh my god, my life is so depressing, types. The worst
among them are the ones who try to psyche you into a “Oh my god, your life is
depressing too”, by enumerating what are all the things going wrong in your
life which you are not giving a damn about right now. They seem to know a lot
of things about you and your troubles, things which you dont know yourself. In
the guise of admiration they say “I really don’t know how you can be this happy
with so many problems, if I were you I would fall into a deep depression and
never get out of the bed. You are soo brave”. Well hold on, I seem to think
when confronted by specimens of this kind – buddy, what seems to be
insurmountable problems to you are merely specks in my eyes. To the man who has
control over his emotions nothing seems to be unsalvageable- there is always
some chink somewhere you can find and solve the problem with. Every problem has
its own solution they say- so give me a problem and I don’t look at it - I look
at solving it
Lots of
people around me, look like they are - always boiling cauldrons of emotions.
Me? I am a pool of cool (ahem! Ahem!) But seriously I do take my own sweet time
in expressing anger, outrage or even getting depressed. I have never been the
violently emotional drama queen type which more and more people nowadays aspire
to be, as I stay cool without meaning to or making an obvious effort to be so.
My mother has
this proverb which she oft repeats to me “aluvara kozhandaiku dhan sorru
kedaikum”...in simple English...The crying child gets fed first. That people
like me who wait patiently for their turn, get neglected. Is being patient such
a drawback then in reality? Do the fussers and tantrum throwers get everything
to the exclusivity of others? Maybe at first – but not always I feel.
The longest I
have ever been depressed (as far as I can remember ) is three hours – and
that's when the bloody result is stuck on the notice board and some bloody girl
scores more marks than you in an exam you swore you had aced. Other than that,
I don’t have long lasting depressions which last for days and days. Something
or the other always tickles my sense of humour or I find funny and once you
start smiling or laughing it’s pretty hard to stay depressed. If I can find
humour in even the most depressing of circumstances, it’s a good thing, Right?
Wrong- according to some people. Those people find it strangely eerie that I am
not depressed like them, that I don’t have the necessary gravitas for the
situation and I am blamed for being an unfeeling type. Hold on, I want to say,
being basically happy is also a feeling – you can’t say that being sad is the
only worthwhile emotion. Even our films have this bias - heroes who cry a lot
(in strange heinous tones) are called thespians and great actors while stars
who take things light are not afforded any respect.
So what
should I tell people who look at me and tell me my life is so sad and I should
be depressed and I should grow a beard or hit the booze? That I only grow a
beard during study holidays, to prevent wasting time on unnecessary bodily
comforts, time better spent studying? Or that drinking alcohol, will give me
the shivers, make my fingers shake and make me professionally useless. And as
someone who handles connective tissue grafts the thickness of human hair every
day, I cannot afford to have the minutest tremor or vibrations in my fingers
and on entering this profession I knew and accepted wholeheartedly that I had
to deny myself all indulgences that may produce such adverse results?
What do I tell these oceans of negativity,
these Cassandra’s of gloom and doom..Get lost you evil ones...I may stay
hungry, I may stay foolish, but I will stay happy? That nothing’s wrong with
India, a falling rupee doesn’t matter, that we have a robust economy and a
talented population who will see us through tough times? That petrol prices are
simply going to make solar power more interesting and viable and that’s the way
we should have already gone if not for the addiction of cheap petrol? That the
world economy will balance itself out, that science will find a way,
innovations will happen, evolution will advance and the human race as a whole
is always moving forward incrementally, one small step after another and we
will beat all this gloom and doom and one day successfully straddle the entire
galaxy as one civilization? If I tell them all this will they believe me or at
least listen? You tell me...
