Advice To A Friend On His Wedding
Prologue: I found this gem of a
letter hidden in the pages of a old and mildewed book, a copy of Dickens
Pickwick Papers, shoved with neglect in the back shelf of a forgotten library. Intrigued
by the old handwritten pages oozing of an age long gone by, I took this home
and spent a few weeks deciphering the contents. The below is an adequate
reproduction, of my understanding of the writers original handwriting. Errors if
any can be blamed on me. By the language used by the original author I deduce
that this letter must have been written 100-120 years ago but the principles it
expounds on still sounds true. Read and enjoy the lost pleasure of a hidden
letter.
My dear M,
I
write this to you in reply to your own letter lamenting your sorry single state
on Valentines Day. Rather than commiserating in your misery I would rather
advice you to rejoice. I would not tell this to anyone or everyone except such
a dear friend like you for fear i may be misunderstood by the bra burning
brigades. But as i have confidence in your discretion and can count on your
silence, I would speak the truth to you about this most preventable of
disasters called marriage. This is my own opinion and I leave it your
discretion to take my advice or not on this most unnecessary of evils to befall
a happy single man- the institution of marriage. This is a tough world, a
competitive world, a dog eat dog world where the slightest misfortune and a
single slip can lead a man to disaster and calamity. But of all the disasters
to fell a man, of all the natural calamities to descend on his head, a wedding
takes precedence over all the rest. You can recover from a stock market crash,
you can recover from a cancer of the prostate but you cannot recover from
marriage. Once you say "I do" that’s the end, you are done to death.
So I say that whatever other disasters fall to a man’s lot, what mistakes and
errors he does and whatever pickles he finds himself in, if he does not commit
that ultimate mistake of leaving his sense behind for a wife, he can recover
from those mistakes and he can still end up being happy. So i would advise you
not to refer to yourself as unhappy, as you have done in your letter, for your
happiness still exists without a shadow on it.
Believe me when i tell you that all the troubles
which fall on a man during the normal course of life are always of small
consequences and can be conquered with strength of will, courage and confidence
in oneself. But a wedding is so big a burden on a man’s head, that I never saw
any man howsoever clever and brave he may be to survive one unscathed and not
be brought under the tyranny of a wife, to be rolled along on her little finger
and made to dance to her will. Marry a woman and see for yourself that every
single day for the rest of your life, you shall have a thousand little
troubles, a thousand responsibilities, a thousand things to do immediately on
that day itself and you will end up with a profound dissatisfaction and a
repentance that you ever married which will speedily take you to an early
grave. You may, as you mention in your letter, choose whatever type of wife as
you are looking for, but in the end she will make you repent doing so every
single day for the rest of your life, not out of any malice towards you but
simply because it is in her nature and disposition to tyrannize a husband, any
man fool enough to marry her. All day long, from the dawn of light your brain
will be filled with cares, your body will be tired with work, your purse will
be empty with spending and your mind will pine for some rest instead of always
worrying about the cares of maintaining your family. And these cares will
always be there even in the most happiest of marriages and the sweetest of
wives. Till you yourself will proclaim to all your unmarried friends that the
happiest man is an unwed man and that any woman is an angel till she turns into
a wife.
Now don’t take this the wrong way and believe me
to be a misogynist or against marriage. Marriage is a fine institution, a holy
cause ordained by the gods to multiply the population of our earth. Marriage in
itself is fine, that which makes it bad is woman. So if inspite of my advice
you decide to marry, then this is the time to make up your mind. You must
decide that once you marry, you will never think about anything by yourself
again, that you will listen to your wife and follow her advice to the letter,
never show your displeasure if she makes you turn to the east even if she had
you walking all day to the west, you will subject yourself with a happy
disposition to the least of her wishes, bypass all her deficiencies which
suddenly you notice, satisfy all her wishes however insatiable they seem to you,
approve all her plans for pleasure and laugh at all her jokes however unfunny
they may be. Do this and you have slight chance of leading a tolerably
comfortable married life.
If after reading this letter you decide not to
marry, rejoice you happy man, for you can have more happiness in a single day
as a bachelor than as a married man all your life. A single man may freely and
instantly do all that his heart desires, he can travel, he can spend to the end
and live luxuriously according to his own whims and delights and even do risky
and dangerous things if he so desires, instead of worrying about leaving behind
a beautiful widow and fatherless kids.
So, I leave you with this and commend you to make
your own decision. For if you decide to marry, congratulations are in order and
if you decide not to marry, then double congratulations are in order. And I
will be always,
Your friend,
G.
