Help!!! I have been hit on...

The weirdest incident happened to me recently and though it grossed me out completely at the moment - on further reflection it actually felt cool. Ok, to start from the beginning- I was at the British Council Library in Chennai recently on an afternoon- which I often do when I dont particularly have any place to go to, although I'm in the mood to hang out somewhere... Anyway I was sitting there minding my own business when this Sarong-clad (can't describe it any better) person looking like a South-east Asian walks upto the sofa and sits down beside me. He opens up his lap-top and gets busy while I am looking at Mens Health Magazine and going crazy at all those sculputed hot-bod bodybuilders (God, how long is it going to take poor ol' me to get a body like that?). Suddenly I felt a light brush on my thigh - and I thought it was accidental and let it go. A couple of minutes later I had definite confirmation that it wasn't an accident -the guy beside me ran a finger on my thigh - caressed it actually. By God, I freaked out- wanted to punch him in the face. Then decided that discretion is the better part of valor and escaped from there- literally ran out of the reading area to the lounge where lotsa people were milling about- I suppose I felt safe in a crowd. I took a moment to reflect on what happened - No, It wasn't my imagination - I'd definitely been Hit on. Girls have this happenening to them fairly frequently I suppose - they have defense mechanisms and escape codes already prepared - but for a guy it is a novel experience. Now what made that guy try his move on me? do i look like...? God Forbid. On the other hand, on further reflection, I think its kinda cool, isn't it? I have now become a Gay Icon- I have joined the ranks of David Beckham, Ranbir Kapoor, George Clooney..all the quintessential metrosexuals. In other words - I Have Arrived....

Exotic Dating Places in Chennai

I was just talking to a young friend and he was polambifying (worrying) about the lack of interesting dating places in dear old Chennai. I mean just how many times can you take your date to Inox or not to Satyam Theatre? he was asking me. Kids these days are not creative at all. I mean in my day; back when I was actively Dating -long, long ago and so long ago - I used to be pretty creative in planning my dates. A few of the best and most exotic places I have been to on a date include

My Top 3 Dating Venues:

1. Domestic Terminal (Kamaraj Terminal) - Chennai Airport

One of the best dating venues in Chennai - Safe, Secure, Fully Air-conditioned, with comfortable seating, good privacy and very Cheap. Except for the distance you have to travel to reach there. The first time, I discovered the opportunity to date in the airport was accidentally, when I had gone there to recieve my former girlfriend Li.. from Calcutta with a bouquetwhen she was coming back from holidays. I had planned it to be a nice surprise for her and we spent a pleasant one hour in the terminal sitting down in the well-upholstered lounge chairs they have there - telling her how much I missed her. We sort of made this a regular practise whenever she went back to calcutta or came back - till I got that job in bangalore and moved away from chennai. I have only pleasant memories of the hours I spent in the airport and of her and yes some of my later girlfriends must have been right when they complained that I was always comparing them unfairly to the standards of L.

2. Vandalur Zoo

Another cheap and secure location with lotsa privacy -good enough for a full day date - I discovered this place due to the animal (loving) instincts of my dear departed (to Hyderabad to get married) friend N. We spent two or three consecutive saturdays there having fun (in the late 90's) I havent been there recently - so I dont know the current situation.

3. Chepauk Stadium

The mega-date I planned for D. with whom I was absolutely besotted for a few weeks before I learnt her treacherous and perfidious nature included hosting her birthday party at the centre of the pitch in Chepauk stadium. Strange to say that it didn't cost as much as I was thinking - just the regular baksheesh to be shared among the watchmen there. It was an event to remember - those big empty stands and the hot blazing atmosphere as I had parked my car in the center of the pitch and the unexpectedly strong breeze which kept blowing out the candles of the cake perched on the bonnet...

Well that is a collection of all the unexpected and alternate sites I have explore. And as they say - You are only limited by your imagination.

What can go wrong - In a Ponnu-Parkum episode - will go wrong.- Murphy's Law

There's a basic dictum -which goes something like this - Given enough time, things are not as bad as they first looked. Time puts a positive spin on events. Unfortunately for me, that doesn't apply. For two days after my "First Official Sight-Seeing Episode" - circa last Saturday, I still reel with "Omigosh" every time I remember it and go red in the face with accumulated embarassment. Like I said before, the only thing which works with unfailing regularity for me is Murphy's Law -"What can go wrong will go wrong". I still remember being nicknamed Die Hard in my UG days - because I was always the wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time - always catching my friends off-guard in their moments of intimacy with their girlfriends. This was purely accidental - but my friends wouldn't believe it as I was also the editor of "the Buzz" the college magazine and the next month's rumour column would often include unsubtle hints about certain eye-witness scenes. That's me in a nutshell - an unconventional personality who just loves to push the limits of what society's comfortable with and likely to do something barely predictable.

The point I'm trying to make is - of all the things to go wrong - this was one I wasn't expecting to. I mean I was on my first official sight-seeing trip to check out a girl -under the proper supervision of both sets of parents - if you know what I mean. And then events took on a life of their own -so that in the end it was a complete Comedy Time. The first thing which happened was a fight with my mum just when we were about to start -regarding my unshaven face- She screamed at me to shave- when I had intentionally not shaved to grow a stubble - for I feel I look good with a 7'0 clock stubble. In order not to complicate things we did the needfull and proceeded straight to Madipakkam to the girls place.

Unfortunately, the girls people had decided to welcome the new prospective son-in law with a brightly painted house and they had just that morning painted the front doors which had stilll not dried (due to the rains). As is my luck I put a hand to the door which came away with half of that door's paint. So the first thing I had to do when I was welcomed inside was to ask to use the bathroom - even before seeing the girl (getting me strange looks from the assembled relatives).
This screw-up on my part made me so tensed up I even forgot to nibble the sweets provided specially for me which the girls side must have taken as a negative omen or something..

Then they brought in the girl and seated her diagonally to me - so that eye contact between us was kept to the minimum. My Dad promptly started answering calls on his mobile which he kept up throughout the episode. My mom started a little filler conversation with the other concerned parties but couldn't keep it going indefinitely. And then they started on me. "Arent you going to ask her anything? Come on, feel free, ask her whatever you want? well what about the girl, does she want to ask him something/anything?". Thus went my mothers prompting for me....What could I ask this unknown, strange girl? "Your favorite movie? Your favorite film star?" Give me a break. How could I ask her the important doubts plaguing me like "If we have a fight after the wedding -will you be content to just scream at me or will you try to break something on my head?" This sort of all-important marital questions cannot be asked in a crowd, right?

Finally, the ordeal came to an end and we left before we used up all the goodwill- my dad still on his mobile - oblivious to everything which had just gone by. There was all the usual bonhomie of we'll get in touch and we'll let you know. And once in the car - my mom started blasting me -"Why did you freeze? Why are you so shy? Why cant you talk normally? what will they think of you? They'll think you are useless". All this in a soliloquy (and in front of the driver...). Finally my mother asked "Well, what about the girl? did you like her?". I didnt answer her straight - because I didn't know how to phrase it. The girl was; shall we say- petite (actually very short) and well toned (very thin) . I'm 178 cms/5'10" and well- built and being extra-large is not something you can accuse me of without reason.

I remembered an old Kanndasan song about Manaivi Amaivadalam - Where he says Porutam udalilum vendum or something like a good pair should match physically too - but tactfully conveyed to my mother that this was early days yet to make a decision based on one option. Let me sample the field -check out two or three other girls and maybe then I'd be able to make up my mind...Meanwhile my mother as advised me to act more confident next time - to sit up straight (not on the edge) look the girl straight in the eye and talk boldly. Maybe next time....