Disclaimer: Not based on
a true story. All characters and dialogues are purely fictional. Any humour is
purely incidental and unintentional.
At a Location near you…..A Few Days ago…..On
a Lazy Sunday...
He : Hi!
She: Hi!
(Long silence follows)
(He in mind voice:
Damn this is so awkward. Talk, talk, what to talk about?)
He : So what do you think?
She : About what?
(He in mind voice:
damn woman you know what I am talking about, why make this so hard on me?)
He: hmmm....this arranged marriage
thing? You ok with it?
(He in mind voice:
with it? IT? Of all the stupid things to say. Why didnt I say with me? ME? Now
what will she think?)
She: I guess it’s ok. If it’s ok
with everyone, it’s ok with me.
(He in mind voice:
uh? Now does that It mean Me or does It mean the whole arranged marriage thing?
Why is she so cryptic? Is she playing hard to get? Why are women so
frustratingly hard to understand? Ok, let’s underplay it and see where it goes)
He: Thats nice. I mean your being
Ok and all. Anyway what do you think about the future? About what we should do
I mean?
(He in mind voice:
there, that’s out. I have indicated to her so subtly that I am ok with her too.
Damn I am so clever, am I not?)
She: you first tell me what you
have planned about the future and then I will tell you.
(He in mind voice:
Ohoh!! so now we are negotiating are we? Well, its time to roll out my Mother
Theresa speech...Yo! Nobel committee- hold that peace prize)
He: Me? I want to serve society. I
want to make sure that my talent and education does not go waste. I want to
help poor people. To reach those who do not have access to good healthcare
because they live in rural areas. I want to and practice my calling, my noble
profession in some small town or rural area where there is no adequate medical
facilities.
(He in mind voice: There,
I have said it with a straight face. Oh wait, she didn’t take me seriously did
she? Is that a tear peeking out of the corner of the eye? )
She: Hmm!! good.
(He in mind voice:
Good? Just good? I am outraged...that
was an ass-kicking performance even if the audience didn’t clap on cue. Do you
know how tough it is not to laugh out hysterically when speaking such douchey
dialogues. By rights this was a shoo-in for an Academy Award for Best
Actor...dude, where’s my statue?)
He: So, what about you?
She : Well, I want to enjoy life,
experience it, I mean. I want to go have adventures, you know? Trekking in the Alps? Scuba diving in the
Bahamas? Go on an Alaska cruise. Go see the Angkor vat temple in Cambodia. I want
to experience all of these things. I just want to get on a bike and go riding
away into the sunset.
He: (After a thoughtful pause) I
see. So this what you plan to do every vacation?
She : Well no...this is what I
want to do daily in my life. Not yearly once on annual vacation like boring people.
(He in mind voice:
boring people uh? That means the rest of humanity bar you, I guess, you stupid
-----)
He: You know who you remind me so
much of? Angelina Jolie. In..what was that movie? Ah!! Tomb Raider..you look
just like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider
(He in mind voice:
yeah! Especially that part where the robot bashes her skull in. That would
account for the previous statement you made)
She: Thank you. A lot of my
friends have also said I am like that only.
(He in mind voice:
And you believed them? Never realized they were simply having fun at your
expense? How stupid can you get?)
He: (in neutral voice) : So, how
do you plan to do this? Going to the Bahamas, Alaska and all will be very
costly, you know. All this experiencing adventures stuff will require a lot of
finance. Have you made any killing in the stock market recently?
She: (shaking her head) No. That
is why I am marrying. In fact that is why I agreed to marry when my parents
convinced me. My father does not understand my ambition in life. That’s why I
agreed to arranged marriage- as I want my husband to put money in my account
and I will take it off the ATM and go have my adventures. How can I enjoy life,
if I have to keep working to save money? The best thing for you to do would be
to go to your village and serve people, make money and send it through wire
transfer to me, wherever I am and then we can both live the life we want.
(He in mind voice:
Money one man, enjoys one man, ah? Nice plan...and what do I do alone in the
village? Sit around and scratch my itch? You...you..you..Spluttering in
outrage...)
He: As to that, let’s talk about
that later. You should know that I am very conventional type. I rarely go out.
I even go to see a film only once every three years or so. I never take leave
from office for vacation also. I am very busy, dedicated type. Dedicated to my
profession, I mean. We are total opposites. My life is very routine and boring
you know.
(He in mind voice:
damn woman, understand. Do I have to spell out everything for you in black and
white? Go on...make the connection.)
She: I see....in that case...we
have to think on this. I am very adventurous. I don’t like sitting at home,
cooking and all.
(He in mind voice:
Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank God for that. At last. My hard-earned bank account is
safe.)
He: hmm..that’s what I was
thinking too. We wouldn't sync. I am a very conservative and chauvinistic type
you know. I would expect my wife to do all the work at home while I work all
the time at the hospital. I also want a dozen kids, half a dozen of this and
another half a dozen of that, you know, boys and girls, I love children, they
are very special...and..and...(Should shut up and stop babbling in fright)
She: Really? You want that many?
(He in mind voice: that’s
it...go on..go on..say it..say NO, no?..please...don’t make me beg)
She: Well, I will think about this
and let you know. You too think about it, ok? Take your time.
(He in mind voice: its
'Bout time. As if I need more time to think.)
He : OK..see you then...have a
nice life, adventuring all over the world. Send me some picture postcards from
wherever you go. Bye see ya.
(He in mind voice:
Run Forrest Run.....)
Later.....a Long Time Later....
(He in Mind Voice:
why do I have a nasty suspicion that I was played totally like a fool? Right from
the beginning?)
