Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Well Played, Clap, Clap......

Disclaimer: Not based on a true story. All characters and dialogues are purely fictional. Any humour is purely incidental and unintentional.

At a Location near you…..A Few Days ago…..On a Lazy Sunday...

He : Hi!

She: Hi!

(Long silence follows)

(He in mind voice: Damn this is so awkward. Talk, talk, what to talk about?)

He : So what do you think?

She : About what?

(He in mind voice: damn woman you know what I am talking about, why make this so hard on me?)

He: hmmm....this arranged marriage thing? You ok with it?

(He in mind voice: with it? IT? Of all the stupid things to say. Why didnt I say with me? ME? Now what will she think?)

She: I guess it’s ok. If it’s ok with everyone, it’s ok with me.

(He in mind voice: uh? Now does that It mean Me or does It mean the whole arranged marriage thing? Why is she so cryptic? Is she playing hard to get? Why are women so frustratingly hard to understand? Ok, let’s underplay it and see where it goes)

He: Thats nice. I mean your being Ok and all. Anyway what do you think about the future? About what we should do I mean?

(He in mind voice: there, that’s out. I have indicated to her so subtly that I am ok with her too. Damn I am so clever, am I not?)

She: you first tell me what you have planned about the future and then I will tell you.

(He in mind voice: Ohoh!! so now we are negotiating are we? Well, its time to roll out my Mother Theresa speech...Yo! Nobel committee- hold that peace prize)

He: Me? I want to serve society. I want to make sure that my talent and education does not go waste. I want to help poor people. To reach those who do not have access to good healthcare because they live in rural areas. I want to and practice my calling, my noble profession in some small town or rural area where there is no adequate medical facilities.

(He in mind voice: There, I have said it with a straight face. Oh wait, she didn’t take me seriously did she? Is that a tear peeking out of the corner of the eye? )

She: Hmm!! good.

(He in mind voice: Good? Just good?  I am outraged...that was an ass-kicking performance even if the audience didn’t clap on cue. Do you know how tough it is not to laugh out hysterically when speaking such douchey dialogues. By rights this was a shoo-in for an Academy Award for Best Actor...dude, where’s my statue?)

He: So, what about you?

She : Well, I want to enjoy life, experience it, I mean. I want to go have adventures, you know?  Trekking in the Alps? Scuba diving in the Bahamas? Go on an Alaska cruise. Go see the Angkor vat temple in Cambodia. I want to experience all of these things. I just want to get on a bike and go riding away into the sunset.

He: (After a thoughtful pause) I see. So this what you plan to do every vacation?

She : Well no...this is what I want to do daily in my life. Not yearly once on annual vacation like boring people.

(He in mind voice: boring people uh? That means the rest of humanity bar you, I guess, you stupid -----)

He: You know who you remind me so much of? Angelina Jolie. In..what was that movie? Ah!! Tomb Raider..you look just like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider

(He in mind voice: yeah! Especially that part where the robot bashes her skull in. That would account for the previous statement you made)

She: Thank you. A lot of my friends have also said I am like that only.

(He in mind voice: And you believed them? Never realized they were simply having fun at your expense? How stupid can you get?)

He: (in neutral voice) : So, how do you plan to do this? Going to the Bahamas, Alaska and all will be very costly, you know. All this experiencing adventures stuff will require a lot of finance. Have you made any killing in the stock market recently?

She: (shaking her head) No. That is why I am marrying. In fact that is why I agreed to marry when my parents convinced me. My father does not understand my ambition in life. That’s why I agreed to arranged marriage- as I want my husband to put money in my account and I will take it off the ATM and go have my adventures. How can I enjoy life, if I have to keep working to save money? The best thing for you to do would be to go to your village and serve people, make money and send it through wire transfer to me, wherever I am and then we can both live the life we want.

(He in mind voice: Money one man, enjoys one man, ah? Nice plan...and what do I do alone in the village? Sit around and scratch my itch? You...you..you..Spluttering in outrage...)

He: As to that, let’s talk about that later. You should know that I am very conventional type. I rarely go out. I even go to see a film only once every three years or so. I never take leave from office for vacation also. I am very busy, dedicated type. Dedicated to my profession, I mean. We are total opposites. My life is very routine and boring you know.

(He in mind voice: damn woman, understand. Do I have to spell out everything for you in black and white? Go on...make the connection.)

She: I see....in that case...we have to think on this. I am very adventurous. I don’t like sitting at home, cooking and all.

(He in mind voice: Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank God for that. At last. My hard-earned bank account is safe.)

He: hmm..that’s what I was thinking too. We wouldn't sync. I am a very conservative and chauvinistic type you know. I would expect my wife to do all the work at home while I work all the time at the hospital. I also want a dozen kids, half a dozen of this and another half a dozen of that, you know, boys and girls, I love children, they are very special...and..and...(Should shut up and stop babbling in fright)

She: Really? You want that many?

(He in mind voice: that’s it...go on..go on..say it..say NO, no?..please...don’t make me beg)

She: Well, I will think about this and let you know. You too think about it, ok? Take your time.

(He in mind voice: its 'Bout time. As if I need more time to think.)

He : OK..see you then...have a nice life, adventuring all over the world. Send me some picture postcards from wherever you go. Bye see ya.

(He in mind voice: Run Forrest Run.....)

Later.....a Long Time Later....

(He in Mind Voice: why do I have a nasty suspicion that I was played totally like a fool? Right from the beginning?)


  1. Ha Ha Ha. My gawd . . . the adventures rather misadventures that you write about are definitely hilarious. Quite a happening mind, I say.

    Joy always,

    1. i take it this way, susan- the new year brings new challenges ..hoping to regale you with more such (mis)adventures...or not....this thing has to end somewhere right?

  2. Wondering what sparked off this post....

    Interesting convo.. I so wish we could all find a spouse like that- just let us be, live our life and keep putting money in the account..hehe

    1. uh aarti!!! everyone wishes for a spouse like that?..but is that all there is to a marriage? just giving pocket money to spend and letting you lead your life the way you were before? it would be indeed sad if that were true...i hope and believe that there is something more, much more when two souls come together...but then blame me for being the eternal romantic

    2. Thought provoking post Ganesh. While it may seem funny at a superficial level, I perceive a sliver of truth.

      Being a romantic is just idealism; it isn't practical. In every relationship there is an expectation that each has of the other. There is nothing wrong in that. If expectations of each other are mutually met that is the ideal relationship. However there is no ideal fit and the search goes on forever.

      Dr Vijay Nagaswami, a psychiatrist-relationship counselor, talks of marriage templates that each partner has in his / her mind, which defines what each partner is expecting from the marriage template. His book, The 24x7 Marriage is compulsory reading for persons planning to get married / newly married couples.

      Having said that I wish that persons who want to get married have realistic expectations of each other in Today's world.

  3. Sounds like a real piece of work... can't believe she said all that, or did you exaggerate? Unbelievable, she should be on some reality tv show...

    1. hmmm!!!! didnt you read the disclaimer Karen? it says characters are purely imaginary...that said, i "may" have exaggerated a tweeny-tiny bit..but i plead creative license for it...

  4. Replies
    1. hi there Virundazhi..vanga...vanakam...vandanam..

  5. A suggestion Ganesh - put mind voice conversation for the she also and see how it goes.

    1. thats an awesome idea VT..will try next time...

  6. Hilarious!! :D Real life experience!?!

    1. Ah...there you got me Shilpa..let me just say its so scarily true-to-life experience

  7. Replies
    1. ah!!the view from the other side. J is incisive as always...