Horn
Ok Please
In
this sad cynical world of ours, there are 3 people you should never talk too
much to, at least before they do first- an astrologer, a doctor and a mechanic.
Let’s leave the astrologers for another post (another day) and doctors I make
fun of in every alternate post of mine, so today let’s talk about the car
mechanics. If you have ever visited a mechanic, any mechanic at all, you know
what I am talking about and you can stop reading right here. if not, read on to
get enlightened. One fine day, fine in every other aspect, as I started my car
from the parking spot and pulled out onto the street i happened to notice a
damp spot beneath the place where the car was parked overnight. I usually don’t
notice such small things around me, for my mind in the mornings often dwells on
bigger concepts like my place in the universe and whether i will have time to
breakfast at least today. But my dad who had come out right behind me, to make
sure that i lock the gate behind me as i leave- an eternal sore point for him,
had happened to notice the spot too and he started lecturing me on my utter
unsuitability for owning a car because I don’t take better care of it and my
mom, coming out to play peace keeper between us and hearing just the later part
of my dad’s rant, joined in to scream, "no, no, leave the car and go by
bus, don’t take such a big risk" as
if i was going to join the nearest grand prix race on a broken down car. I took
a look again and to my eye it was just a wet smudge, just a little bigger than
a damp spot and suddenly it had turned into a life and death problem for my
parents. I was already late for work that day and as such i was loathe to leave the car to walk and take a bus, so I
promised to take it the garage later on after work and get an experts opinion
on what ails my car.
That afternoon as i went in and
parked the car in the shed, the buzz of industry all around me, i looked around
for my regular mechanic who seemed
missing and i asked around from the boys working there "Babu ella?"
(Babu, not present?). One of the khaki uniform clad regulars looked up at my
question and then the cry went around the shed. Finally at the far end of the
shed i heard a shout "hi door" shouted window "where is the
boss?" If you don’t know it by now, car mechanics, just like doctors, have
specialists for every car part and they often refer to themselves in the third
part by their work specialty. So door shouted back, from where he was
industriously hammering apart a, what else, a door "look there under the Toyota,
he is checking the axle" or something like that and so window went off to
fetch the chief mechanic from under the Toyota.
As i peered around the parked
vehicles I could see something like a wheeled wagon slide out from under the
lucky toyota which held the boss's current attention and he ambled along to me
then, shouting instructions all the way to the boys in the parked cars around,
wiping his hands on a piece of rag cloth that looked dirtier than the River Cooum
and asked me "Enna sir?" (whats up sir?). i explained to him about
the leak under the car. he popped open the bonnet and spent some time studying
the innards intently and straightening up he said "have to change oil
filter, air filter, sump, pipe and assorted spare parts" although I didn’t
understand a word of what he said but i nodded as if I did and then added
"that reminds me" (which is where i went wrong- the moment I could
have kicked myself for later on further reflection) "One day last week
there was a loud whrumph sound on starting in the morning but it dint happen
again" he peered at me suddenly
very interested and asked "Was it a whrmmphh? Or a slow
Whrumphrumph?" After vainly trying to reproduce the exact sound I had
heard- mimicry was never my strong point- I left it to him to think whatever he
wanted. He sounded kind of disappointed that I had given up the game so soon
and so added in an undertone "I think we should change the fan belt
also...a loose fan belt only will make that kind of sound" and I nodded
tiredly, exhausted already at the encounter.
He
then walked around the car twice- once clockwise and then anti-clockwise and
shook his head in a sad way. he reminded me nothing so much as the doctors you
see in films who are about to pronounce that the patient was due to die soon
and you better get the will signed up fast. He enquired gruffly "anything
else sir? any other complaint? How is the ride quality? Bumpy?" I
scratched my head and muttered "now that you ask, yes, it shakes a bit too
much sometimes". He stared at me with a disappointed look as if he had
expected that I would wring his hand and congratulate him on his deducting
prowess. Not getting the expected reaction from me he shook his head sadly and
said "it would, it would definitely, the shocks are all gone, the clutch
must hang very much, and the tyres are almost bald it’s a wonder that the
brakes didn’t fail. We should change the shock absorbers, the full clutch
assembly and all four tyres if you want the car to run safely sir, otherwise
its quite risky if you take it outside on the highway. I told you all this last
service itself but you said you will come only when the problem comes. Anyway
now that the car is finally here shall I do that work also in addition?"
and he stared at my face with a gleeful expectancy.
i
was sweating slightly by this time as i mentally toted up the bill this was
running to and wondering whether my salary for the month would cover the
expenses or not. And as I wiped the sheen of moisture from my forehead, the
mechanic who had noticed that slight movement, turned and opened the car door,
leaned inside and switched on the air-conditioner and surfacing outside
immediately, looked triumphantly at me and said "look sir, the
air-conditioner cooling is also very low, i think we should change the
condenser, replace the coils and fill up the coolant gas again. Summer’s coming
up and it’s better to get the air conditioner in tip-top condition now
itself". By now, I felt that the summer was already on me in all its
merciless heat and before asking the obvious about how much it will all cost
me, a question I was dreading the answer to, I asked something else to postpone
the moment of reckoning "Will I get it by this evening?” He looked amused
and answered as if he was talking to a child "Today evening? I can only change the engine oil and break
oil by this evening; it will take at least three days work sir. You better
leave the vehicle here now and go away and call me the day after tomorrow and i
will give you an estimate". I couldn’t help asking one last question then
"why do so many parts have to be changed? My car isn’t that old" and
he shrugged his shoulders and said "Ah cars these days!!! Anyhow I told
you already sir, nowadays cars don’t last after 3 years and you have to keep
changing to a new car after 3 years otherwise things like this only will
happen". So, mentally chewing on
the cars nowadays concept, which was something new to me, I went home
reflecting that pretty soon I would have changed everything in my car except
the number plates and maybe the horn and should i ask him to do that too and
get the satisfaction of a job well done. Or would he think i was making fun of
him?
A
couple of days later, with the car still in the garage and being given a
complete makeover fit enough to qualify it for a beauty contest, i opened my
door in the early morning to get out the paper and almost, almost stepped on a
spotted tabby cat which was lying peacefully curled up there in the portico. As
it hissed at me and fled i noticed that it had peed on the spot where it had
lain and a dark smudge was still there. The watch man chose to wander up to me
right then and told "Ah, it used to sleep under your car all the time sir,
now that the car is not there it is not happy". Looking forlornly at the
wet patch where the car had been and the cat had peed, i was also not happy for
spending so much money on something which the cat had done.
P.S.
On a related note, I wonder at people who own multiple cars and how they cope.
I also wonder about bigamists and people who marry multiple times. Anyone who
wants to manage two wives at the same time should first try to maintain two
cars at the same time. And I am sure he will realize that one is more than
enough considering the hassle in trouble free maintenance.
P.P.S.
the Mechanic in the pics is Megan Fox –courtesy Google Images- and unfortunately
she is not MY car mechanic….
