Thursday, March 27, 2014
Compromise Is Not a Dirty Word
Compromise Is Not a Dirty Word, is it?
Last night I was chatting with a young friend - a facebook friend who is a final year student in an engineering college and we were discussing her life after college. Somehow the talk accidentally veered around to romance (I swear I didn’t bring it up) and she was explaining in length about the kind of guy she wanted in her life. I confess that I did find it a bit amusing to hear her list out her requirements of an ideal man and it was long list too. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about what she said at the fag end of our chat when she mentioned that despite her long list of requirements she was willing to be flexible and give them all up if she found the right person -even if he didn’t tick all the boxes on her checklist. And that’s what got me thinking that this topic deserves a whole blog-post.
I generally get to meet a lot of people my age who keep talking about their conditions and their requirements and their necessities but rarely do they even think about how others might have similar requirements and how most of the time the two wont sync. Especially my single friends who have inflexible requirements for their prospective boyfriends and girlfriends and rarely or almost never do they compromise on their conditions. They justify their uncompromising stances on the theory that "why should I compromise? I deserve everything I desire and more".
But my point of view is that our achievements and qualities are all relative - what we think of as our crowning glory might not necessarily be on the top of the list of someone else. They might not value what we value. We should take a realistic look at our assets from others point of view too- that will help us decide if we really are all that we think ourselves to be. Most of the time we fool ourselves about our real worth to others. We have an inflated sense of our own importance and achievements and rarely do we benchmark ourselves honestly with other similar achievers. Honesty is the single most valuable ingredient when it comes to self-appraisal and for that reason rarely indulged in.
Having an inflated sense of self-worth is the leading cause of demanding all these inflexible conditions. Men who look to get super models as their girlfriends never ask themselves if they are fit enough to sustain such a relationship. Women who drool over handsome guys never realize that their dream boys spend more on cosmetics for a month than they do for a year. It’s all hidden behind the facade of an illusion. And what seems a perfect fit for your requirements is in reality just a hollow shell when you get to know the real self.
And that’s why compromise should not be a dirty word in anyone’s dictionary. Being inflexible and holding out for what you deserve is all well and good if you are lucky enough to get it- which very few are. But for most of us normal human beings it’s better to be a little flexible and adjusting when it comes to the non-essentials if we are indeed looking for a happy life instead of just feeding our ego. Adjusting to alternatives and compromising on conditions is the wisest way to go when it comes to relationships.
And god forbid, when and if, true love happens, when you look into the eyes of someone and feel an instant deep connect and you know that she or he is the right person for you and to then reject them because they don’t fit your requirements is a sign of madness. No compromise is greater than true love when you meet your soul mate. Using your brain instead of your heart (when your heart truly knows) is the highest form of egoism and stupidity and destined for a sad and lonely ending to your life.
So to conclude this post, let’s all follow the example of my friend who despite being just a young kid showed me that she is far more clever and mature than many of us, including me. When the right person comes along let’s tear that list up and just go with our hearts. So what do you say? Do you agree with me? Or not?