My Greatest Hits….Disastrous Proposals

My Greatest Hits….Disastrous Proposals.

When I talk about my Greatest Hits, please hold on before you think that I am a kind of star musician or performer talking about the greatest hits from his repertoire. For your information let me clarify that the hits I am talking about here are hits in a literal sense. Yes you got that right- I am talking about the number of times I have been left holding the bulb (an idiom from Tamil courtesy comedian goundamani) and been humiliated in both public and private whoever I proposed to a girl. So just for illustration purposes (I am great believer in show and tell technique) shall we take a close look at what happened the last time I tried to propose to a girl?

After much careful thought and after a deep examination of my heart I finally decided I am in love with this girl and wanted to tell it to her in person after taking her to watch a romantic movie and getting her in that receptive mood to accept my proposal - perfect planning right?.

So this is what happened when I tried to express my love like a Jane Austen character (proud Mr. Darcy) and say to my current crush the following words

But this is how I finally ended up expressing it – as awkwardly as possible.

So there I go, booking a nice romantic movie for my current crush, followed by an intimate romantic dinner where I am looking forward to propose and then what do I do?

I end up concentrating more on the food than on the girl and end up completely forgetting to propose till I say good bye and am on my way home when I suddenly remember “oh shit….damn, damn, damn, I got a brain freeze”

And then when I am with my crush I gaze lovingly at her face- cant tear my eyes off her and she goes and asks this

Seriously can you believe this of me…am I not still a child at heart?

So I finally get home ruing the missed chance and in an effort to make amends and try to do the right thing at least before the day is over and she goes off to sleep- I pick up the phone and try to call her and propose but what happens? My luck holds and she doesn’t pick up the phone at all

  

After spending the next half hour calling her repeatedly, and wondering where she went off to after she left me and then when the call finally connects and I hurriedly start explaining how much I love her and why I feel I deserve her, she goes like

And I am absolutely fazed like

So after this latest episode of getting my hopes crushed I understand that when it comes to love- love and me- we never mix- I am always getting hit like

And my brain keeps telling me this but does the stupid heart listen?

And so when I finally post this whole story on my blog (on Facebook and on twitter) - I am like

So from henceforth I am going to be like

So till now I have been thinking that I am like Joey Tribiani from Friends saying “how ya doing?” and hitting on women effortlessly

And now realize I am like Ross Geller- the one with ALL failed relationships and multiple divorces and who ends up his life being single despite being a good guy.

 And that is my sorry saga told in a palatable way….now go away and leave me alone